Page 137 of Spring Guardians & Songbirds

“Is that chocolate cake?” Cai’s mouth fell open, bits of the sweet falling out and I wrinkled my nose. “That was disgusting.”

“It is cake,” he said, slowly, as if he was treading on glass. “We can go get some if you want. They have all kinds.”

“It was worth it,” I whispered in his chest. “The best chocolate cake to this date.”

“The first time you went out and I figured my trap. Take you to the baker’s every goddamn day.”

“Can't believe I still have my teeth after how many sweets we ate that summer.”

“Let us go to the baker’s again, Cakes.”

I slinked onto him, tired. “I am not hungry.”

“Please,” he whispered, holding me tight against him.

“Alright.” I felt my eyelids droop and the world blank.

The fresh breeze and the sound of rain pattering on the walls woke me gently, like the whisper parents woke their young child to—like Leanna woke Lila. My head hurt but my body felt as if it was made of feathers—relaxed. When I felt the brisk wind that smelled of rain and electricity, I stopped mid-stretch and cracked my eyes open. Sleep. I slept.

Without dreaming.

Without seeing her.

Slowly, I lifted my body up, the greys of the room coming to focus. I was in my room in Olympia. And there he was, sitting at the foot of my bed, his head bent down, attention over the bargain runes on his hand.

“I am going to kill you,” I said, before launching toward him.

Quicker than me, he grabbed me mid-air and flipped me to my back. Pinning my arms over my chest like he’d once done before. He was panting with fury. Not often had I seen this side of him, even before he had been accusatory and curious—this was angry. “I will not apologise for what I did because I’d do it again. I might not be here for long so I’m going to use all my time and all my might to leave you as whole as I can. I'm going to take care of what holds you back. I’m going to take away every toxic thing you hold dear and you’re going to hate me so much, Snow, and I will not give a damn. Till I leave this world I’m going to make you so angry that you are going to wish you had not taken that deal with me!”

I squirmed and thrashed under him. “I hate you! I hate you!”

“Hate me then. Hate me!” His jaw was set tight. “Me, Snow. Hate me. Why…why do you hate you?”

I stilled. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“You know why! You know why,” he repeated softly, voice filled with such anguish that it made me shiver. “Tell me you know that I’ve never pretended for a moment. Tell me that you know that. Do I love that terribly? Do I not know how to love? Have you not felt it at all?” There was true doubt in his eyes. True fear.

I have. I have and I hate it. How can you love me? You of all people.

“You’re right,” I said, my body going slack. “My father loved my mother once. She was broken, hurt, depressed. She hated the world and herself, she hated us, too, at times. You’re right, I think you do love me because it feels exactly like that. Like you’re taking everything from me just to make yourself happy.”

He leaned close to my face and his mouth pulled in a snarl. “If you think you will guilt me into letting go of the most precious thing this world holds, you’re wrong. I broke you, Snow.” His voice shivered as he repeated, “I broke you. And mark my promise, I will piece you back again. Every broken fragment I shattered, I will find it and I will make you as whole as I can again.”

I shook my head. “No, this isn’t love. It's an obsession. You’re obsessed with the idea of me. The idea of the girl you almost killed. Is this your redemption, gaining my likes so you can secure your spot in Cynth?” I raised a brow. “I assure you, that would only kick the cinder of the fire you’ll be burning on in Caligo.”

He pushed close till our lips grazed, my breath catching when the electric feel of that touch heated every inch of me. “I’d be doing you a kindness, remember. Not to leave you there all alone.”

And that was it, I thrashed violently. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare use words I said to him.”

He froze. “Him?” There was some hurt in his face. “You said them to me, Snow. Me!”

I shook my head. “For all I know, he died that night. And you’re just the man who tried to kill me thirteen years ago.”

“Don’t deny me,” he said, anguish in his stone-cold voice. “Don’t deny me the small piece of you that I had. It is my treasure. I found it. It belongs to me.”

“It was a lie.”

“It was mine, nonetheless. Mine, Snow.”