Page 152 of Winter Gods & Serpents

“Of course,” I snorted. “My black heart can’t possibly.”

He frowned. “Do you have to be so swaggering ironic all the time?”

“Swaggering ironic?” I asked reaching close to him, yet keeping my distance. “Could you not be an insufferable gods arse wipe barbaric piece of a stern bastard?”

“When your high and mighty, disrespectful, vainglorious self gets of that high horse.”

I took of my slipper and threw it to him like all calm and collected people did in a moment of rage. “I will too, when you take that stick of your arse, you delusional, infuriating, giant piece of flesh whose brain only operates on two lines of the sacred liber.”

He huffed a dark laugh. “At least I haven’t made my anger my whole personality.”

“I might be against showing emotion, not using it mister my whole personality revolves around my hate for the ybris, but oh wait, do I hate her? Oh I hate her, but let’s call her beautiful, speak pretty words to her and then think about fucking her when I can’t stand the sight let alone the touch of her but hey, again, I still hate her.” I yelled the words out, leaving myself panting, pulse roaring in my ears.

“Get yourself to sleep Snow, now.”

“You are not my father, Kilian, nor my friend, nor my lover. You are no one to me. And every day, every moment, your very existence and your sort fuels all hate I can possibly feel, so no need to try this hard to get on my bad side.” I glared to him in silence. He didn’t speak, nothing but stared.

Tell me you hate me too, I wanted to say but I didn’t want him to hate me.

“Get to sleep, I can’t see you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Tired, reckless…breaking.”

I felt my breath shiver. “I am not…breaking. Don’t do that, don’t make me look weak. I am not weak.”

“No, you are not,” he said, picking up my slipper and kneeling to lift my foot up, putting my slipper on. His fingers gently slipping from my calf and I sucked in a breath, that flutter returning to my stomach. “Everything breaks Snow, even steel.”

Be angry at him, damn it. “I thought I was a vase.”

He withheld a smile and stood, barely inches away from me. “Definitely not one made of clay.” His eyes hovered all around my face, mostly over my lips. “Don’t see him anymore.”

“Who?”

He shut his eyes, almost to suppress his anger before saying, “Elias.”

“I need him.”

He shook his head. “No, no you don’t.”

No, I didn’t. What I needed was him, and what I wanted was him and what I thought of was him, and what I loathed most was wanting, needing, and thinking of him. I took a moment scrutinizing the reverie I’d casted. “Why should I not see him, Kilian?”

“Because.”

I laughed tiredly and cocked my head back to lock onto his tall, towering gaze. What did I expect to hear? “I will see whoever I want, fuck whoever I want. Any objections?”

His stare looked like he had lot to say, but he only stepped forward, reaching almost chest to chest with me, and I took a few steps back. He chased me till my back met the door and then leaned in close, his face hovering over mine. Shadows veiling his face, hiding his stare but I felt it over me. “None. Do as you please.”

His words brushed past my lips, my knees weakened and I almost fell backward when he clicked the door open.

His arm went around my waist, holding me from falling backward. He held me a while, he didn’t move and neither did I. His thumb moving in circles over my skin, shivers dancing underneath. “You’re in my arms, and once again for all the wrong reasons.”

I hoped he’d not noted the pulse drumming loud against my chest bone or the way my lungs wanted to inhale him. “I cannot be in your arms for any other reason.”

“No…no you can’t be.” He rose a hand close to my face, but stopped short before pulling away and letting go altogether. “Go to sleep.”

I sucked a tight inhale as feel of him left me. “It is not that easy.”