Page 7 of Realm of the Wicked

One night, fueled by a singular glass of wine and desperation, I even opened my computer to search him, as if I’d see his image staring back at me from a series of mug shots for high-profile crime. Of course, it was difficult to stalk someone without a name, so I gave up on my futile mission.

I never told Grace what happened that day I walked the trail alone, as if speaking my experience aloud would make it real. I still wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I remembered the electricity that pumped through our joined hands, and the unsettling way he looked at me. It was almost as if he knew things about me I could never put into words.

I didn’t know if I wanted to be able to put them into words.

Some things were better left unspoken. Some things poisoned the air around us, making it hard to focus on anything else.

Right now, Grace needed my focus.

I forced myself to put the stranger out of my mind, and take everything a minute at a time. Moment by moment. Day by day.

Sometimes, late at night while Grace slept, I’d whisper my fears to Archie, certain he wouldn’t tell another soul my secrets. Worries about being alone. What that would mean for me. What my life would look like. I’d tell him my biggest insecurities, sobbing into his soft fur, and by the time morning came, I’d be whole once more for my sister.

Grace and I laughed, and cried, and told each other stories of our favorite memories growing up. We did everything except say goodbye.

Every morning, I expected to wake up and find her a little bit weaker, paler. Something to tell me she was reaching the end of her time with me, to tell me it was okay to let her go, even if we wouldn’t admit it.

Instead, I could swear I was seeing the opposite. Grace’s face seemed to have more color in it as the days passed. She went a bit further on the trail than she had the day before. A bit less food was left on the plate.

I told myself I only saw these improvements because I wanted to. According to the doctor, there was no chance for my sister to get better. Life moved on, and before I knew it, the day of Grace’s final scans arrived.

‘Grace! We’re going to be late!’ I stacked my bowl in the sink. The dishes could be a later-me problem. Archie watched me, my ever-present shadow, cleaning his paw from the corner of the kitchen.

‘I’m coming!’ Grace’s voice echoed out of the bathroom as steam followed the opening door. She made her way over to the kitchen, wrapping her arms around my waist. ‘I don’t know if I’m ready.’

I pressed my lips together, forcing the tears away from my eyes. ‘No matter what they tell us, it’s going to be okay. I promise.’

I spun around in her grip, resting my hands on either side of her face as I took her in. The shower left her cheeks flushed, giving her a healthy, youthful glow that had been missing from her face for too long. Her brown eyes were bright, even though they held a world’s worth of sadness.

‘I love you. That doesn’t change, no matter what happens today.’

‘I love you too, Stella. I don’t deserve a sister as good as you.’ She sniffled as tears pooled in those beautiful eyes of hers.

Shaking my head, I smiled. ‘Of course you do. Being completely honest, you probably deserve more than I could ever offer.’ The words rang true, because to me, they were true.

I had done the best I could do for Grace since the fire, and stretched the insurance money as far as I could, but it wasn’t the life she would’ve gotten if my parents were still alive.

Her prom dress came from the thrift store, not a high-end boutique like most of her friends. We managed to make community college work, for the few semesters she was able to attend before she got sick, with a combination of the money and scholarships she earned, but it wasn’t a top-rated college.

We had to make sacrifices to make it work. I did the best I could with what I had, and I hoped it was good enough, but now that I was at the end, it didn’t feel anywhere close to enough.

Doubts ran wild in my mind. I should’ve gotten a second job. I should’ve held out for a bigger insurance payment, instead of taking what they initially offered because we needed the money sooner. I should have done more.

‘Where’d you go?’ Grace whispered, swiping her finger below my eye. I had been crying and didn’t even realize it. ‘Don’t get lost forever in that imaginary world you’re creating.’

Our mom had said those words to me all the time, when I got too wrapped up in my own mind. If I wasn’t careful, I’d end up disappearing completely into my imagination. Hearing Grace repeat them back to me was a bittersweet moment I didn’t know if I wanted to cherish, or mourn.

I pressed a kiss to the top of Grace’s head. ‘Come on. We should get going.’

The drive to the hospital was silent, as was the walk up to the same sterile room we had waited in before. I could close my eyes and find my way around the room blind, we had spent so much time in here.

Every minute we waited felt like a year. Grace clung to my hand so hard, I half-expected to see our skin seared together when I looked down.

‘It’s okay,’ I whispered. ‘It’s going to be okay.’

I repeated these words as if they could offset my internal monologue.

Time is up.