Page 105 of Cemetery Boys

“And all the ghosts get to come back, yeah, I remember,” Julian grumbled.

Yadriel didn’t have the time nor patience to correct him with any sort of civility. “I’ll release you then. That gives us one more day.”

Julian looked ready to argue. When he opened his mouth, Yadriel cut him off.

“Tomorrow night, okay?”

Julian’s mouth snapped shut. The muscles in his jaw flexed. But eventually, he said, “Fine.”

It gave Yadriel little relief. “Fine.” He stomped over to his closet, peeled off his hoodie, and angrily threw it into his overflowing hamper. He opened his drawer and yanked out clean clothes before he shoved it closed with a snap.

Without a word, he left for the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Yadriel threw back the shower curtain and cranked on the water, twisting it to hot. When he got in, it was near scalding, but he wanted to feel the bite on his skin as he scrubbed himself clean. By the time he was certain there was no trace of that black gunk under his nails, or the smell of Tito’s rotting flesh in his hair, the hot water had faded to warm. His skin was flushed and raw.

Overcome with a wave of exhaustion, Yadriel leaned his forehead against the cool tile wall and closed his eyes. The water beat against his neck and cascaded down his back. He wanted to hold on to his anger because he was scared of what would be left to feel without it, but he was too tired to stay mad.

He’d been so distracted by his own thoughts that he hadn’t taken care to dry himself off properly before trying to pull on his binder. All his binders with the side clasps that were easier to get into were in the laundry, so he was stuck with a vest-style one. He managed to get it over his head, but when he tried to shrug into the tight, stretchy material, it clung mercilessly to his wet shoulders. Yadriel gave it a tug, wiggled, and squirmed, but it only seemed to get tighter. His frustration boiled over and he thrashed, practically tripping over the bath mat as he struggled. A moment later, he was stuck, only one arm through and the binder bunched and tight across his collarbone. Yadriel slumped, collapsing onto the toilet seat as he tried to catch his breath.

Why was he acting like this?

So many things had gone so right and so wrong in such a short amount of time. His dad had come around. He saw Yadriel clearly as he was. He had even agreed to let Yadriel be in the aquelarre this year. Yadriel would see his mom soon, and she would see what he had accomplished since she’d left. He would be welcomed and accepted by his community for who he was. Finally.

But now he would be losing Julian in the same night. Why did the pain of that impending loss hit him harder than anything else?

If they only had one day left together, Yadriel wasn’t going to tell anyone about him. Not his dad, not Tío Catriz or anyone else. Julian was his secret, and he wanted to keep him all to himself for as long as he could.

Eventually, by continued forceful tugging and wiggling, he got the binder on. When Yadriel went back into his room, Julian was sprawled out on the bed. Purrcaso was curled up on his chest, her nose tucked into her tail, fast sleep.

“This is still so weird,” Julian said, trailing his fingertip along Purrcaso’s crooked little spine.

“I told you not to make fun of her,” Yadriel said, slicking his wet hair back and out of his face.

Julian rolled his eyes, but an amused smirk still tugged at his lips. “Not what I meant.”

Yadriel flopped onto the bed next to Julian and stared up at the ceiling. They lay there for a minute, with only the distant sound of traffic and Purrcaso’s mighty purrs between them.

“Jules?” Yadriel finally ventured. His heartbeat like a finger tapping against his throat.

Julian hummed in response.

Yadriel stole a look over at him. His attention was on Purrcaso, his dark lashes hiding his eyes.

“Why don’t you like to speak Spanish?”

Julian’s hand paused, his fingers hovering above Purrcaso, who let out a displeased sound at the sudden lack of petting.

Silence stretched between them for a long moment. Yadriel thought he wasn’t going to answer the question. It seemed like a strange thing to carry so much weight.

When Julian finally spoke, his words were quiet and tentative.

“My dad didn’t know much English, so we pretty much only spoke Spanish at home.” He didn’t look at Yadriel but toyed with Purrcaso’s tail. “It’s not that I don’t like speaking Spanish, I mean, it’s me, you know? I think in it, I dream in it, but…” He trailed off, expression pinched as he tried to find the right words. “But it was also my dad, you know?” Julian made a frustrated sound. “I don’t know how to explain it. At school we have to speak English, and my friends mostly speak in English, too, so Spanish was more like … It was what we used at home. It was what I used with my dad—the only language I spoke with him. So, when he died…”

Yadriel felt a pang in his chest.

Julian’s shoulder pulled into a shrug. “I don’t know, man. Just didn’t feel right using it without him, I guess. Feels too…” He made a twisting gesture with his hand, frustration working his jaw.

“Intimate?” Yadriel offered.