Page 133 of Big Dill

I nod, letting that settle. “I would never have done what she did to me…or him.”

“Have you heard from him?”

“No.”

She nods slowly, chewing on her lip as she thinks. “You know, past experiences have a way of dragging you to the worst-case scenario. Your mind jumps there before you even realize it.”

I look down at my hands. “Yeah. I know that.”

“But,” she continues. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe he didn’t text because he wanted what was best for you? That sending you to Toronto, giving you space…maybe it was his way of letting you choose, without forcing you.”

“I guess. Lord knows he’s had so many people walk out of his life, unable to handle the small town.” I sniff. “Not everyone can handle that life.” I think about the things Brody told me. “Some grow to resent it.”

“Maybe he was trying to avoid the kind of resentment that makes people leave.”

I blink at her, mind spinning. “His family… I think his mother wants him back with Elise.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Really? That seems a little hard to believe, don’t you think? Are you sure that’s what she actually wants, or is that just the story you’ve told yourself to explain everything?”

I hesitate. “Well… no. Not really.”

“Then maybe you don’t know what Brody wants either.”

My mind spins, replaying moments I’d buried under fear. Brody giving me space. Encouraging me. Never once telling me what to do. All the things we did say…and everything we never did.

Oh God.

Did I make a horrible mistake? Did I walk away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me? From the place that finally felt like home?

A hiccupping sob claws its way up my throat. “Lauren…”

She moves closer and I collapse into her, pressing my face into her shoulder like I’ve done a hundred times before. She rubs my back. “What do you want, Jami?” she asks. When I don’t answer right away, she adds, “You need to figure out what you want.”

“I know what I want,” I say suddenly, my voice stronger, surer.

She pulls back just enough to look at me. “Yeah, you do, and because of that, I am sure everything is going to be okay.”

My chest tightens again, but this time it’s fear mixed with resolve. “How? How do I fix this? I just ran. Just like everyone else in his life. People have left him. Left his town. I’m everything he’s ever expected of me.”

God, how could I have been so wrong about everything, and will he even talk to me, after I ran away, like so many others he’s cared about?

Lauren grips my hands. “Then go show him you’re not.”

The words settle deep, igniting something fierce and urgent inside me. Just then my phone pings and I snatch it from my bag. I fumble with it, and read the message on my screen.

* * *

Jaxon: I need your help here. The social. We’re really short-staffed now. Can you please come help me until I get on my feet?

* * *

“Is it Brody?” Lauren asks, her eyes hopeful.

I shake my head, a burst of panic surging through me. “No… it’s Jaxon. He said he needs me back in Churchill Falls.”

“Did he say why?”

My fingers fly over my phone, texting him back before I can overthink it. I read the message again, my stomach tightening. “He… he needs me to help him… until he gets on his feet.” Lauren gives me a confused look and I hurry on to explain, “Oh… he slipped. ACL surgery.”