Page 88 of Glimmer in the Darkness

She shrugged, though he was in front of her and didn’t see. “It was far. I don’t like hot weather. I spent a few days in Chicago, but it was too big. Too crowded. Overwhelming. I was targeted by this guy… Probably a pimp.”

This time, when James shot a look her direction, his eyebrows were lowered and angled together.

“I got away from him. I was old enough and scared enough not to trust anybody. At that point, I decided Chicago wasn’t for me and kept pressing west. When I hit Seattle, it felt like the end of the world. I’d met this woman—sweet, motherly type. She let me use her phone for a little while. I found a home for runaways and went straight there when I got off the bus. After my experience in Chicago, I knew I’d need help.”

“So you weren’t homeless or anything?”

“Nope. I should’ve been, though. If they’d known the truth, they’d have reported me to the police, not given me a home. I lied about my name, my age, my background. I made up this whole story about abuse and…”

Regret pressed in, as it so often did. If she could go back in time, go to the authorities after Hallie’s death instead of running away, what would her life be like today? Would anybody have believed her? Would they have found the killer back then? Would Addison still be alive? Would Ella be safe at home with her father?

Probably. Probably she could have prevented all of this. If only she’d had the courage.

She didn’t realize she’d stopped until James turned and gripped her arm. “Hey. You okay?”

“I’ve asked forgiveness for lying to everyone, but does it count if I haven’t told my friends and coworkers the truth?”

“You were trying to survive.”

“I should’ve done the right thing. I did what felt like the easier thing at the time, but running proved to be very hard. Facing it would’ve been hard, too. I know that. But it would have been the right hard thing, not the wrong hard thing.” Cassidy focused on the treetops overhead, where the leaves danced in the slight breeze. Where everything seemed so simple, so natural, so… ordered. Her life felt just the opposite. “When this is all over, I’m going to tell them everything. I’ll probably lose my job, but I can’t live like this anymore, pretending to be somebody I’m not. Telling kids to overcome while my life is shrouded in lies.”

When she returned her gaze to James’s face, his scowl had her stepping back. “What?”

“You’re going back?”

“I live there. It’s my home.”

“But if…” He swallowed, stepped nearer. “We’re going to get this all straightened out. Everybody’s going to know you did nothing wrong.” He settled his hands on her hips. “You don’t have to leave again.” He leaned closer, and his voice softened. “I don’t want you to leave again.”

He wanted her to stay? To stay as in… forever? She couldn’t imagine. “My job is there. My friends are there. My life is there.”

“You told me nobody would grieve you if you died. That you had no family. You told me—”

“I have friends. It’s not the same as family, but…” It was all she had. They were all she had. “There’s nothing for me here.”

His hands slid off her hips. He stepped back.

She reached out, but he backed out of her reach.

“I don’t mean it that way. You’re here, and someday…” She wanted nothing more than to be with James, but she didn’t know if that would be an option once he knew the truth. Staying here would be risky.

“Someday what?”

“You could come visit me. Seattle is beautiful. You’d love it there.”

“This is my home. This is where my parents are buried. This is where my sister is buried.”

“They’re gone, James. Would you really choose your deceased family over…” But she didn’t finish the sentence. Because he probably would. Why would he choose her over his home? His friends?

Though she’d dreamed of reuniting with James for years, she’d never considered returning to Coventry for good. In all those dreams, James had found her, had come to her, had given up everything to be with her. They’d only been fantasies, though. Childish fantasies.

She knew that now, knew James was as much a part of Coventry as this mountain, as Lake Ayasha. James wouldn’t give all this up for her. It was foolish that she’d ever thought otherwise. She was just Cassidy, the toss-away kid.

With a breath for courage, she said, “You have a life here, and the people in your life aren’t going to accept me. Nobody in this town will accept me.”

“Once they know the truth—”

“I’ll always be the foster kid, the girl whose mother killed her sister, the girl who took off rather than face what happened. They’ll never believe anything better of me.”