Page 30 of The Jealous Girl

But that wasn’t my job. Maybe it never really had been.

I thought my role in his life had become vague and unstable when we’d left here. I couldn’t compete with his real world. The people who really mattered to him.

Now I knew why.

‘I meant it, you know?’ Ryan said. ‘I really have missed you.’

I closed my eyes, desperately trying to summon the strength to tell him that was irrelevant. Especially now.

But I couldn’t.

Because the truth was, I missed him too.

His fingers brushed lightly against my arm and I opened my eyes and turned to face him.

My gaze met his and I knew he knew it too.

My vision blurred as tears welled in my eyes, spilling over before I could stop them. Grief twisted through me, raw and relentless. For the past that had never really existed. For a future that had always been doomed to fail.

Had it really all been for nothing?

He reached forward, his thumb softly stroking my face as he brushed away a tear from my cheek.

‘We were just kids,’ Ryan said weakly. ‘We didn’t know what we were doing.’ He sniffed. ‘Maybe we still don’t.’

Despite everything, something in me softened.

How could I hold on to anger about something he’d done, when I’d done the same thing to him?

‘Neither of us were honest, were we?’ There was a hollowness within me as I said it out loud. We’d both clung to each other for the wrong reasons. The wrong way.

My gaze was still locked on his. I couldn’t break away.

It was still there. That connection.

We’d both made mistakes, but maybe that didn’t mean we’d been wrong about everything. About each other.

‘What we had felt real,’ I said quietly.

‘It was real,’ he said, with such conviction that a warm rush swept through me.

Even now, after all this time, after all these revelations, it didn’t diminish what we’d had.

I closed my eyes as memories of us planning our future together flashed through my mind, vivid and overwhelming…

Two Years Ago – Mid July

Ryan sat cross-legged on the bed, papers spread out around him, his brow furrowed as he read the same document for what must have been the third time.

‘You’ve already double checked it and so have I,’ I said from the doorway, a hint of amusement in my voice.

He didn’t look up. ‘I just want to make sure everything’s right.’

I smiled as I leaned against the door frame. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take anything this seriously. Not even during exam week.’

His head jolted up at that and his eyes met mine. ‘This is more important than some stupid exam. This is the start of the rest of our lives together.’

My breath caught. For a moment I was glad I had the door frame supporting me, otherwise I might have melted to the floor.