Page 17 of The Jealous Girl

I filled the kettle and set it on the base, more out of habit than intention.

Tea was what you did in moments like this, wasn’t it? Tea fixed everything. At least according to Janine.

Feelings were complicated. Inconvenient. Tea was simple.

I stood, my hands braced against the counter, staring at the kettle as it began to hum. Usually, I’d move. Tidy the kitchen. Wipe down the worktop. Put away whatever had been left in the drainer beside the sink. There was always something that needed to be done, a way to be productive.

But not this time. I just stood there, my gaze locked on the water inside the glass kettle, lit from below in a cold blue glow. Tiny ripples shivered across the surface. The low hum deepened, building steadily.

It didn’t make sense.

I was home. The wig and glasses had been stuffed into the bathroom bin. The hire car had been returned. Everything from this morning had been disposed of. And yet I still couldn’t settle.

Had Charlotte recognised me? The question looped relentlessly, but the answer remained elusive. And even if she had… what then? I frowned. What was the worst she could do? Tell Ryan?

A hollow laugh rose in my throat.

He’d already left me. It wasn’t as though he was coming back – not this time.

Charlotte had already taken everything that mattered from me. So, what power did she really have left?

That thought should have calmed me. But it didn’t.

It’s not about Ryan, I reminded myself again.

Stay where you belong. Where you can cope.

I gave myself a little shake, trying to physically pull myself free from Janine’s persistent voice in my head. But, like always, it lingered.

Perhaps that was it. Perhaps that was why I felt so unsettled.

I hadn’t stayed where I belonged.

My discomfort wasn’t about Ryan. It was about being seen. Exposed. Caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing. Letting Charlotte know she’d affected me. Enough for me to follow her. Obsess over her.

She’d disrupted my life for a second time. There was no doubt that she had won. Yet, I didn’t want her to know that.

My disguise should have been enough. I’d hidden myself well. I was sure of it. And yet…

Maybe it had been too much. Too theatrical. Too obvious. Perhaps I had overdone it.

But, even so, how could she have known? She had no reason to expect me. No reason to think I’d follow her. No reason to believe I was capable of something like that.

That wasn’t who I was. I wasn’t bold. I didn’t take risks. I was careful. Restrained. It was who I had been taught to be.

Don’t be ridiculous, Kirsty. Janine’s voice sliced through me so clearly, she might as well have been in the room.

You’re not capable of something like that.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe she was right. Maybe this – whatever I thought I was doing – was ridiculous. Pretending I could slip into Charlotte’s world. Pretending I could outmanoeuvre her. I wasn’t built for that.

But I wasn’t trying to outsmart her.

I was trying to hurt her.

The thought landed, sharp and undeniable. I wanted Charlotte to feel what I’d felt. To lose what she had taken from me. To understand what it was to have everything ripped away from you without warning. Without control. That desire hadn’t gone away. If anything, it had hardened.

But my method… that was the problem. It had been too clumsy. Too exposed.