Page 163 of The Jealous Girl

I snorted. ‘Why? You didn’t want me there. None of you did. I was in the way. You said it yourself, bringing me home with you had been a mistake. One your family and Charlotte delighted in pointing out to you daily.’

‘It wasn’t like that.’ Ryan paused. ‘At least, I didn’t intend for it to be like that.’

‘I know that,’ I whispered now, more to myself than anyone else.

That was what made it harder. If he’d been intentionally dismissive, it would have been easier to walk away.

I’d known he cared about me. But he cared about everyone. Even when they didn’t deserve it. And that made it impossible for him to create the boundaries we needed to save our relationship.

‘Did you love Charlotte?’ I asked quietly.

‘I cared about her,’ he said hesitantly. ‘But no—’ he shook his head ‘—I never loved her.’

‘But you dated two years ago?’

Ryan blinked as though my question had taken him by surprise.

‘At the house, when your parents were talking about Charlotte’s obsession, you said you hadn’t dated. Not then. Which implied…’

He nodded. ‘Yeah, we dated after you left.’

There was something about his expression. Something guilty.

‘Only after I left?’ I couldn’t help myself. I had to know. Had there been something between them when we were together?

‘Of course.’ Ryan looked horrified. ‘After you’d gone, I struggled. But Charlotte was always there. Always supportive.’ He gave a weak shrug. ‘I knew she liked me, and she kept telling me that we made sense together. We’d been friends for so long, had the same interests, we understood each other, my parents were rooting for us. And I was so lost without you. So lonely.’

His admission tore through me.

‘We went out a few times, but…’ Ryan shook his head. ‘She wasn’t you.’

I swallowed, unable to speak.

‘I knew almost immediately that I wasn’t being fair to her. She’d always felt more than I did. And I think I let that blur my vision for a little while, but deep down I knew I was using her to feel less alone.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I ended things quickly. Charlotte said she understood. Said I just needed more time.’ Ryan shook his head. ‘But I knew it wasn’t that.’

‘But you didn’t tell her?’

Ryan lowered his gaze to the floor as he shook his head. ‘She’d been through so much rejection from her own family; I didn’t want to hurt her. But, maybe if I’d been more honest with her, all of this could have been avoided.’

‘It might not have made any difference,’ I said quietly. ‘Look what she’d already done to your dad.’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan agreed as his gaze met mine. ‘But…’

Silence hung between us and I knew there were no words that would stop him from blaming himself.

He stepped towards me. ‘I know it’ll take time to earn back your trust. But I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life proving you can count on me. That I will never leave you again.’

It was so tempting to believe him. To allow myself to hope that everything we’d once had had been real and that it was enough to get us through this.

‘We’ll be stronger for it,’ Ryan said, taking my hands in his. ‘The lessons we’ve learned. The obstacles we’ve overcome. They’ll all help us grow, Kirsty. Our relationship will be stronger for all this.’ He squeezed my hands. ‘I’m grateful for that.’

‘Grateful?’ I snorted. ‘I didn’t need to go through this to realise what I wanted or how I felt.’

My gaze narrowed as I studied him.

‘Would you really have married me if your dad hadn’t been rushed to hospital?’

‘Of course,’ Ryan said instantly.