Page 81 of Between Ghosts and Gods

“I’m just enjoying the view.”

Arun came and sat on the other end of the seat. “You could stay here, you know. If you asked, I’m sure General Shusa would let you.”

Kasu shook her head. The heavens were wonderful, but that was not her dream.

A small house on the edge of an apple orchard.

Someone to share her peace with.

“I’ve been meaning to ask: do you really not want to earn a place in the heavenly realm? Why devote yourself so much to the Heavenly Principles, otherwise? Was it really so you could impress the heavens and earn the right to be reborn?”

“Yes and no. I did want to impress them, but it’s more than that. The Heavenly Principles aren’t just about earning the favour of the gods or getting into the heavens – they’re a guide on how one should live their life.”

When she was a mortal, she had not obeyed the Heavenly Principles, and look where that had got her – a life of slow starvation, a dead sister, a mother who had abandoned her and a contract with a demon lord. If she had just followed the Principles the first time, maybe she would not have suffered as much. She might have died of starvation all the same, but at least she could have died nobly and with honour.

Mirroring her current position, Arun propped his elbow on the windowsill and rested his chin in his hand. In the perfect quiet of their room, they watched the moon move through the sky. Their knees were close enough to touch.

Her breath stuttered in her throat, but when she lifted her gaze to Arun’s face the look in his eye gave her pause.

He looked so glum.

“What’s wrong?”

Arun’s eyes darted across the room before settling on Kasu once more. “Something’s been bothering me. About the way the Pale Lady died. About my mother’s … about that wolf. Lady Camellia said that the Pale Lady wasn’t the one who told her about my mother, but then why did my mother use the last of her life force to curse the Pale Lady and not all the other demon lords who had a hand in her death? And why go after the Pale Lady’s actors too?”

Kasu remembered the Pale Lady’s death, and the way the wolf had shuddered and tried to stop itself from fading away. It had struck her as odd too, but so much had happened since, she’d barely had time to reflect.

“I don’t know,” she said, truthfully. “But the Pale Lady must have done something truly terrible to become the target of your mother’s hatred.”

Arun flinched. “I can’t stop thinking about her. About my mother, I mean. Everyone we’ve met has called her a thief, but that’s not the person I knew. That’s not— I just don’t know what to think any more. I don’t know what to believe.” He sounded almost ashamed to admit it, but Kasu noticed the tears welling in his eyes. Tears he furiously tried to blink away.

Kasu placed her hands in her lap and kept them curled tight there for fear of doing something terrifying like reaching out to touch his face.

“People change. Don’t blame yourself.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Instead of being comforted, Arun only looked more troubled.

“She’s really gone, isn’t she?” he whispered.

Kasu stared at her lap, unable to find the right words. All she could do was sit and listen as his shuddering breaths gave way to sobs.

His misery burned worse than the elixir. She scooted across the seat to sit closer to him, the line of her leg pressing against his own, and wrapped one arm around his shoulder, letting him lean in. He was heavier than she expected, but she didn’t complain. She wanted to take it all for him – the anguish, the pain. She never wanted to see him so dejected again.

Kasu was not sure how long they remained there, huddled close together beneath the moon, before Arun lifted his head from her shoulder. He wiped his eyes one last time.

“Thanks. Sorry for—”

“Don’t apologize for feeling things.”

He smiled sheepishly, and Kasu’s heart did a series of aerobatic manoeuvres that left her excited and terrified in equal measure.

The Heavenly Principles had plenty to say about lust – how to avoid it, how to control it – but surprisingly little when it came to love or affection. They could not guide her when it came to the flutter beneath her breastbone or the little rabbit feet hopping inside her chest.

Kasu’s gaze slid up to Arun’s face once more only to find him looking at her too, his eyes red-rimmed and dark despite the abundance of moonlight that haloed them both.

Chapter Forty-One Kasu

In the MORNING, Kasu and the others assembled inside the dining hall for breakfast. Another lavish spread had been prepared for them. This time, the table was set with rice porridge and various soups. An array of fruit lay piled up in a large golden bowl in the middle, though Kasu was disappointed that there were no more mangosteens.