Page 87 of 10 Things I Hate About Zombies

‘Any bites?’

She had to consider this.

‘No bites,’ said Reba. ‘Although that one hater guy with the yoga girlfriend got a bit frisky with me after she noshed on Zoey’s arm. I do bring it out in the gents, though. And the ladies as well.’

Terriffany was zooming in and out on her iPad, tongue out in concentration as she worked. ‘You might be on to something,’ she said. ‘The zone around Inkstigators is clear. Minimal zombie activity. Just one report about a cat.’

Nestor chuckled nervously. ‘The kids and their in-jokes, huh? Well, I’ll leave you to it – I do want to get my new walking desk set up before Sascha comes in. She’s going to be so envious. I’ll come back when you’re open, shall I? If my punch card is correct, I’m almost up to a free smoothie.’

‘You do that,’ said Reba, gesturing for him to get out of the way.

Nestor flounced off, humming to himself.

‘Wow, he’s astonishingly irritating,’ said Nick.

‘You need a pair of these,’ said Terriffany, tapping the noise-cancelling headphones she’d pulled up over her ears.

The next pairs of shoes to darken the patio door were far more welcome: Ainsley’s Birkenstocks, which were promptly followed by Celeste’s red slouch boots. Nick waved, and Ainsley waved back with a dexterity that suggested that she wasn’t yet infected. Celeste seemed fine as well – she was presently noodling about on a ukulele, which, though annoying, seemed beyond a zombie’s skills.

‘There you are!’ Ainsley exclaimed, depositing a box of doughnuts on the table. ‘The shop isn’t open for some reason, and I can’t get a hold of Zoey. Also, I swear someone slept in my beanbag last night.’

‘That was me,’ said Nick. ‘Long story.’

‘Not that long.’ Reba grabbed a cronut and took a hearty bite. ‘Zoey’s a zombie.’

Ainsley blinked. ‘All right.’

‘It’s the mushrooms,’ explained Reba, mouth full. ‘I should’ve known when you showed us that lightning-strike bit on the farm that we’d be dealing with something like this. Reba’s Razor.’

If they ever found and dezombified her, Nick had a feeling he knew what Zoey’s next thesis topic would be.

‘You’re all taking this very well,’ said Nick.

‘Speak for yourself,’ said Ainsley, who’d dropped her cinnamon doughnut from the shock of it all. (Alice was happily cleaning it up.) ‘Zombies.’

‘Could be worse,’ said Celeste, tapping the ukulele against her chin.

Ainsley made a face as she reached for a fresh doughnut. ‘You’re right. There’s way worse out there than zombies. Like whatever Winslow was before … wait! Before he became a zombie.’

‘Pee bottles,’ agreed Celeste.

Ainsley nodded emphatically. ‘Zombification was an improvement on pee bottles.’

Gracie picked idly at a matcha mini doughnut. ‘And for our part, Reba and I have seen our share of weird, trust us. Murderous coffee roasters, Freaky Friday rainstorms – we’ve come to expect it all. We’re off to San Francisco soon for a project Honour is working on, and who knows how that’ll go.’

‘Vampires, I hope,’ said Reba. ‘I’ve never met a vampire.’

‘What about Desdemona and Ambrose from that goth wedding that Lily did?’ suggested Gracie. ‘I’m almost certain they were vampires.’

‘Hmm, you might be right. And the cousin, too.’

All right. Nick had to get things back on track so that he could find Zoey – and hopefully save her. An idea was coming to him: he just had to figure out the details.

‘Ainsley, you have one of Joaquin’s tattoos, right?’ asked Nick.

Nodding, Ainsley pulled up the back of her shirt to show off a giant Bigfoot figure.

‘Wow,’ said Gracie.