Page 105 of 10 Things I Hate About Zombies

As the phone shutter clicked, something in Zoey’s heart felt heavy. After this, she’d be taking Romero back to the sharehouse. And that felt somehow … wrong. Ainsley was gone. Winslow was gone. Terriffany was gone. The smoothie shop was gone. Returning to her Frog and Toad room felt like going backwards. It felt closed and small and dark next to the joy of being on Nick’s farm.

‘So, I have a thought,’ she said to Nick, as Dorian zoomed in for a shot with a fuzzy kitten resembling the soot sprites in Spirited Away.

Nick was stroking a svelte Siamese who was yowling at the top of its lungs. ‘You know I love to hear your thoughts.’

‘So, obviously we’re going to want to put a pin in the zombie- mushrooms thing. But the rest of the business is going well, right?’

Nick nodded.

‘And I’m a quick study. I’ve been listening to All That the Rain Promises and More in audiobook format every morning when I’ve been opening the shop. And Jeff VanderMeer’s fiction on my walks, just to get a fictional perspective on mushroom stuff. So, I guess what I’m asking is …’

‘Zoey, would you like to move in with me?’ Nick asked, pre-empting her question. ‘And Alice, obviously.’

Zoey’s heart swelled so immensely she wondered whether the zombification had done some internal damage. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Zoey, I’d love to spend my evenings reading mycology books next to you on the big blue couch. I love that you have a favourite shovel. I love that you’re willing to fight zombies with me.’

‘Wait, what?’ said Dorian.

Zoey waved him off.

‘I love that you love Alice,’ continued Nick. ‘I love everything about you. Most of all, I love that everything you own could fit in the back of my truck so we can do this thing in one trip.’

Zoey grinned. ‘You’re lucky that I have a cat in my arms, otherwise I’d whack you right now.’

‘I don’t doubt you for a second. How about we go grab your stuff when we’re done with Romero’s photoshoot?’

Whatever prickliness was left in Zoey melted away. She was no longer a cactus. She was barely even a succulent. She was happy, fulfilled, whole.

‘Let me pop my room up on Craigslist and have Romero concede to Mean George,’ she said. ‘I don’t think it’s fair that he represent a district he no longer lives in.’

Nick raised an eyebrow. ‘That’s very generous of you. Zohran Mamdani would approve.’

‘What can I say? The people matter to me. And also the cats.’ Zoey adjusted her arm around the carrier, smiling at her healing Frog tattoo. ‘And the people who get matching tattoos with me.’

29

Zoey

‘Welcome to Down-to-Earth Mushroom farms!’

Peeking out from the hood of her raincoat, Zoey greeted the group of foragers standing out on the muddy path. As was the case now each weekend, there were a dozen or so of them here for the tour of the greenhouse, a foraging expedition, and then a damp night out under the stars.

With Nick and Zoey working together (and a small investment from one of Terriffany’s VC connections), the farm had become more than just a place that served markets and restaurants. They ran multiple tours and foraging expeditions a week, introducing visitors and school kids to the mycology life. Darina had also helped them set up a formal arrangement with Punk Broc, which was a huge help with farm labour – and also meant that Kenard and his punks had some steady funding for at least the next year.

She’d also stressed that in no way should they mention the short-lived smoothie fad that had gripped the city of Portland and its surrounds, and the concurrent virus that was in no way connected.

‘But—’ Zoey had said.

‘In. No. Way. Connected,’ Darina had reiterated. A task force had been set up to manage the occasional remaining zombie, and numbers remained manageable – although every now and then Zoey read a news article that made her wonder whether perhaps the issue was more widespread than it seemed: the Gen Z stare. The veneers trend. The carnivore diet.

It was a strange modernity, but then it always had been.

Alice’s tail thumped the ground as Zoey walked the latest group of visitors through the farm’s history and warned them about the possibility of a Tannerite detonation during the visit (fifty-fifty odds on that). Alice couldn’t wait to go racing off into the thickets, showing the visitors the best mushroom spots around the mossy trunks of the huge trees or at the shady bases of the fern-covered hillocks.

But then Alice whined. Zoey glanced up as she felt a gentle touch against her back.

‘Hey, babe,’ whispered Nick. ‘We’ve got one out back. Can you do the honours?’