Page 113 of Second Chance Saloon

Jackie checked she was all right, got her to drink some water and pushed aspirin into her, helped her get changed, and laughed her way out of Nick’s bedroom when Lyla shouted how much she loved her.

She nuzzled Mitch’s bare chest, moving her fingers up to his face. “Are you asleep?”

His small double bed felt more cramped than before, or maybe it was the heaviness of everything she’d been trying to process.

“If I was, all that tickling would wake me up,” he murmured.

Jackie smiled against his skin, tightening her embrace on him. “You looked good with Rose tonight.”

“I like kids. She’s cute.”

“She is,” she agreed, willing her heart to slow down. “You’re going to make a great dad one day.”

He hummed under his breath, scratching her head, the way she liked. “You’re going to be the best mom, too.”

Her lungs stalled, air freezing mid-inhale. How much she wanted that to be true. The lid of Pandora’s box—filled with all her maternal feelings and fears—had cracked. It wasn’t fully open, because she wasn’t ready to face truly considering what it meant to her. She knew not everyone had children. Hell, not everyone even wanted to have children. But ever since she could remember imagining her future, children had always been part of it, at some point. Now, that was all ruined.

“Let’s go to sleep,” she whispered, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

He hooked his pinkie finger with hers and dropped a kiss on top of her forehead, just below her hairline. “Night.”

“Night. I love you, Mitch.”

He smiled into her hair. “I love you more.”

She lost track of time as she lay there, cuddled up to him, his breathing mixing with the ticking of the annoying wall clock. It might’ve been an hour, or three. All she knew was that once she’d turned over every memory they shared—from meeting him on that first day of college to every night spent in the library, cheering him on at the swim meets, him shouting the loudest from the stands when she competed in barrel racing, horseback riding, dancing in Betty’s Hens, and making wishes upon the stars—it was dawn, streetlights flickering in and out, until they eventually switched off fully.

Before the sun came up, Jackie made up her mind: she couldn’t bear destroying his life. She couldn’t be the reason that gorgeous smile she loved so much would disappear from his lips. The “what-ifs” swimming in her mind were already slowly suffocating the joy and purpose from her. There was no way she could be the woman Mitch deserved and be … this. It was unfathomable to think about him with someone else, but she hoped he would find someone who could make all his dreams come true.

Careful not to wake him, she lifted his forearm and moved away, getting up as quietly as she knew how. Pulling on the straps of her top, she watched his sleeping form for a moment, her heart not even hurting anymore; it was completely hollowed out.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered into the still air.

Barefoot, she crept to his desk, taking a piece of paper tucked under a textbook. Her hand shook like her body was trying to stop her from writing the goodbye she was too big of a coward to tell him face to face.

Mitch,

I’m sorry. I can’t do this. Don’t look for me, please.

Have the best, most extraordinary life. You deserve only wonderful things.

Jackie

Two fat tears splotched the ink. She folded the paper in half and put it on the pillow where she’d slept on countless nights.

Walking out of the door, she took one last look at him. It wasn’t just her heart or her mind that shattered; the core of her soul splintered into a million pieces, and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be whole again.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Mitch

Mitch didn’t consider himself a greedy man. He enjoyed a healthy libido, but it had always been more of a want rather than a need. Not now, though, not with her. Having Jackie in his arms again turned him into an insatiable monster.

His nails dug into her smooth stomach, his gaze catching on the inked outline of her tattoo. Damn it, these eagles. He hadn’t expected her to remember that day, never mind getting a tattoo to commemorate it. It was glorious. He hoped he’d have a chance to see it over and over again, until he’d be able to draw its exact replica from memory.

“Tell me what you want,” he rasped into her ear.

Jackie shivered, goosebumps erupting over her arms, as she slammed her eyelids shut. She put both of her palms flat on his chest, her back hitting the wall. “It’s your turn to choose.”