Page 26 of Chalk It Up

“Alright you little stink. Brush your teeth and get some clothes on so I can do your hair and get you to school on time. We need to keep Miss Jake proud of you. That’s easier to do when you show up on time for school.” I joke back with her because I’m certain even if she were tardy, Evangeline would still find some way to be proud of her.

The drop-off line is my second favorite part of the morning, after my breakfast chats with Adeline. Seeing Evangeline in her element, unshaken, undeterred, and beaming enthusiastically as the kids run to her classroom always squeezes my chest. And then the two different Augusts inside of me battle it out again.

Adeline bounces out of the car and turns back to wave goodbye, and rapid fire tons of air kisses to me. She turns around, running to greet Evangeline, and spinning a little twirl into the classroom. I pray nothing ever dulls my girls sparkle. She has the sweetest zest for life. I glance at Evangeline and she’s ethereal. Saying hi to my daughter like she hung the moon and stars with her little hands. I’m so undone by this woman in the most irrevocable way.

I’m riding a high on my way to work. Adeline and I always have such a great morning. I’m beyond thankful I have a kid that is somehow a morning person. Between a smooth and enjoyable stand to the day with Adeline and the break through that Evangeline and I had last night, I feel a little lighter moving through the motions today. Until my phone buzzes in its dash holder and I see a text from the one person who can always bring me down effortlessly.

Larissa

I’m coming to town soon for work. I want to renegotiate custody of Adeline. Will talk soon.

No, we really won’t talk soon because there’s nothing to say. Right now I have full custody of Adeline, but I allow her to see her mom whenever Addie would like. But the older Adeline gets, the less interested she is in seeing her mom visit only to see her mom leave. She may be young, but kids are intuitive and Adeline is smart. She might not be able to tell you in exact words that her mom is intentionally choosing a different life over her, but she knows it deep down and it hurts her. Adeline deserves someone in her life that is choosing her. My girl is a gift and should never be treated less than that. It’s tragic that the one person making her an option is the one who should be most devout to her.

I determine that I’m not going to let Larissa’s text carry more weight throughout my day than all the words shared between Evie and I last night, and even between Adeline and I this morning. I’m choosing to focus on the girls in my life that mean something and as harsh as it is, Larissa means nothing.

“Good morning, Thea.” I greet her warmly before walking back to my office and all I get is a strange look in return. Once I’m in and settled, it's then Reid knocks and walks right in. Why even knock if you’re going to help yourself inside without invitation anyway? Doesn’t matter.

“Hey, August. You feeling okay this morning?” Reid asks while gingerly walking up to me like I’m some kind of wounded animal.

“I’m great. Got an annoying text from Larissa this morning, but besides that I’m good.” I reply while shuffling through some information about the Christmas program set.

“Okay…yeah…good.” He sounds genuinely confused now taking the seat across from my desk. “Well, it’s just that you said good morning to Thea and that’s kind of weird, so why are you acting so weird?”

“I’m not acting weird. I guess it’s just a better morning than most.” Truth be told, I know what the difference is and I’m scared to say it out loud. I feel like if I speak this thing between Evangeline and I into existence then it’ll float away with my words, and I’m not ready to let it go. And I’m scared to really acknowledge something that might not be anything. I feel guilty that what happened last night might have been a moment of vulnerability that I accidentally took advantage of to learn more about her. That she didn’t mean to tell me all of that, and our conversation didn’t have anywhere close to the effect on her that it did on me.

Deep down I know that all can’t be true. I gave her several opportunities to not speak, to not say anything. But maybe she was emotionally drunk and I should’ve just helped her get inside to Thea and left it that.

“Okay, well, that’s good I suppose. So hey, Emmett, myself, and some of the guys are heading to the elementary school to make sure we’re staying on top of this set in case you want to join us.” I suddenly feel like a kid at the start of school excited to see their crush for the first time after a long summer. I’m desperate to hopefully sneak a peek of Evangeline. I just need to see how she’s doing, what she looks like right now.

I know it won’t really be any indication of how she’s feeling about last night because she would never wear her emotions on her sleeves like that at work. But I need to see her in her element, tall and strong, confident and shining in what she’s doing.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you all out there in a few.”

“Alright…” He draws the word out. “We’ll see you there”

chapter 19

Evie

I have an emotional hangover. And the best cure for a hangover? Comfort cheese. It might not have been the most nutritious breakfast, but I found myself snacking on some Vermont sharp on the way to school this morning after I swung by Driftwood for my iced coffee. Extra shot today because I woke up with bone deep exhaustion. After I got done recounting the entire evening to Thea, all I wanted to do was sleep for the next two weeks. She assured me that what happened at the gallery wasn’t a big deal and people won’t be talking about it. It’s sweet of her to placate me that way, but there’s no way people won’t be talking about it. For one, I was on a date. That in and of itself is small town fodder. And not only that, I passed out. Strike number two. And to top it all off, I was picked up by a different man and left the date with him instead. I truly hit the trifecta of small town gossip, and they’ll be eating up that chum like sharks for weeks.

Aside from Thea’s very baseless confidence that the town won’t be talking about the elementary teacher who went on a date with one man only to leave with another, she did promise that it was a good idea to open up to August. I really didn’t have any doubts about that, but hearing it from someone who sees and works with him every day felt reassuring.

There was so much happening for me last night, but the best part of it was knowing I had the liberty to share as much or as little with August as I wanted. I was relieved he wasn’t going to pressure me either way. He sincerely gave me a safe place to talk through my emotions and it was the lightest I’ve felt in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, Thea is always there. She’s the best listener, always meets my energy, and is honest with me (with the exception of August and I now being the talk of the town), but there’s something about August that tugs at me and I want to find refuge in his strength.

My only fear now is that I’ve entirely scared him away. That is a lot of damage to hear about especially when you weren’t mentally prepared for it. And that wasn’t even all of it. Last night was a turning point for me. I know it’s healthy for me to be honest with myself about what my emotions are, and right now, I deeply care for August.

If we were kids on my playground at work, I would say I “like like” August. I giggle to myself imagining telling Thea I “like like” him and honestly, that tracks, because after last night August kind of has me feeling like a little girl at school who has a crush on the cute, popular boy.

But August has more depth to him than just being attractive. Everything he displayed to me last night was something I’ve needed and wanted for years, and never thought I’d be lucky enough to find in someone. He showed me there are emotionally mature men who will put your feelings above everything and keep those feelings safe.

It’s easy to find someone who is better than Dustin. His bar is on the ground. But it’s something entirely different to find a man who exceeds your hopes for yourself, who treats you reverently and as an equal. Like I mean something higher to him, but that we are also somehow partners. August allowed me to flay myself out right in front of him and then held me together while I let my insides bleed.

Still sitting in my car, I grab another square of comfort cheese. Everything about last night was tragically perfect. I wish the events leading up to my time with August had been a little different, but I would do it again to get the same result. The only issue now is I feel like I have a devil and an angel on my shoulders battling it out about August’s intentions and feelings now.

On one hand, I’m convinced August only did what he did because he’s a natural caretaker. He’s spent the last seven years being an emotionally safe place for his daughter, so it was just a knee-jerk reaction to take care of someone else.

But on the other hand, the care coupled with intense chemistry was undeniable. August holding me, wiping my tears, carrying me, it all spoke to so much more than just base kindness he would give the general public. That attentiveness could only come from wholly felt emotions. And I can say with absolute certainty that August and I have feelings for each other. Let’s be real, it’s pretty undeniable.