Page 16 of Chalk It Up

I hang on his every word like they’re the most precious things I could listen to. I didn’t even realize how much I would love to hear more about August’s personal life and family.

“Daddy is teaching me how to cook too! We do everything together. He said he wants me to be ‘well-rounded’” she says in air quotes. “Whatever that means.” Addie adds with a little roll of her eyes before shoving in a mouthful of pasta.

“That just means he wants you to be independent one day and know how to do a lot of different things.” I try to explain simply, realizing “well-rounded” is one of those things I say but can’t actually figure out a good definition for.

The conversation continues effortlessly with Addie going on about her day and asking August about his. They must do this every night because all of it seems so organic. I, strangely, don’t even feel like an intruder. They include me in the conversation so seamlessly that I feel like I’ve crash landed somewhere else with how kind August is being to me. The conversation is so inclusive it's as though my slip up in the classroom never even happened.

Adeline and August start to clear the table and I offer to help but Addie explains that this is one of her favorite parts of the night, cleaning up dinner with her dad. I think my heart just exploded with how precious that is.

I always thought August was one of the prickliest men I’ve met, but he is playdoh in his daughter’s hands and it feels like a gift to be able to witness it. I’m grateful that there is more beneath the surface of the brash guy who keeps stampeding into my classroom every other day.

chapter 11

August

Addie and I fall into the rhythm of our cleaning up dance while Evangeline gets things prepared to start working with Addie on her lines. When Evangeline first got here, I was ready to give her a piece of my mind for upsetting Addie, but when I saw her flinch again when I turned on her, something inside of me broke. I knew then and there I had to be more gentle with this woman, and let’s face it, more gentle in general. I don’t know what it is that makes her flinch that way, but I refuse to be the cause of it happening again.

Mercifully, dinner was even more enjoyable than I anticipated it would be. Evangeline kept accidentally brushing my hand and even hit my foot with hers a couple of times throughout the course of the meal. Man, if I didn’t want her to touch me purposefully. I’ve barely spent any amount of time with her but each interaction we have twists me up in ways I didn’t expect. Not to mention how natural it felt to have her sitting at our dinner table. I guess it helps that Addie was our buffer and the two of them seem to have a good relationship despite what happened today. Watching her here, at our house, getting ready to spend her free time to help my daughter makes me feel things that I keep locked down real deep, but I stop that train of thought before it can derail.

“Hey Ads, how about you let me finish up these dishes. You can head over to Ms. Jake so you guys can get started tutoring. We don’t want her to have to stay too late.” I encourage as she sets a plate into the dishwasher and then heads back to the dining table where Evangeline is set up waiting for her.

I get back to packing up the leftovers for our lunches and cleaning the rest of the dishes when the most ridiculous thought infiltrates my mind. My heart is racing even thinking of voicing the question, but I do it before I can think better of it. “Hey,” I call out to the dining room. “I’m packing up the leftovers for our lunches, and we have extra, do you want me to send you home with some?” Some primal part of me relishes the thought of giving her more food and knowing she’s probably thinking of me while she eats it. I’m such a Neanderthal.

“Um, yeah, sure.” She sounds hesitant and it deflates me a little. “That would be great, thank you.” As I’m putting everything away I realize we didn’t actually get to the dessert that Addie helped me make. I’m surprised she forgot about it. I look out to the dining room to see Addie laughing and so deeply engrossed in Evangeline’s help that I end up staring longer than intended. Witnessing this smart, confident, beautiful, and somehow broken woman helping my daughter nudges at something inside of me. She’s taking something that Adeline struggles with and is not only helping her, but helping her in a way that she’s enjoying it.

Watching her with Adeline, I can’t help but notice how classy and distractingly gorgeous her outfit is. It definitely helps melt something within me. She somehow took her outfit to make herself look feminine and powerful and so heartstoppingly attractive. Her shirt tucked in at her waist accentuates the flare of her hips, and all of her curves are so prominent. I bring myself back to reality before I let my thoughts wander much further than that.

I take my time cleaning the kitchen, allowing myself a modicum of joy at the sound of my daughter so happy with someone who isn’t me. I know that if I let myself focus on it too much it’ll end up hurting down the road, but geez if I don’t just want Addie and I to be happy.

Thirty or so minutes go by and Evangeline and I both notice some small yawns escape Addie. A clear indicator that we’re quickly approaching her bedtime and she’s already had a long day.

“Addie, you did fantastic tonight! How are you feeling about your lines?” Evangeline asks and I love that she truly wants to know how Addie is feeling, rather than prompting her into feeling a certain way.

“Tonight was so fun, but I’m still really scared.” She admits. Addie’s willingness to be open with her teacher makes me even more attracted to Evangeline. “Can you please come over again?”

“Of course, I’ll be here as long as you need help and it doesn’t bother your dad.” She promises and obviously I won’t be bothered. I think I want Evangeline to come over more too, even just to hear her voice. This playing pretend feels nice, even if I have to remind myself that it won’t last forever, and that I’m the only one who knows we’re even playing. It will eventually go back to being just me and Addie.

Evangeline says goodbye to Addie as she gathers her things. I grab the leftover containers of food and follow her out the front door. It’s really not necessary, all the paths to her car are well-lit, but I know I’m just trying to steal a few more moments. Even if I don’t understand why.

We get to her very questionable looking car. This thing looks like a death trap. We both reach for her driver’s side handle at the same time like it’s dinner and we’re passing dishes all over again. I doubt it does anything for her, but it sends my senses into overdrive. The slight touch of our fingers makes me want to wrap hers in a firm grip and never let go. I want to hold her safely so that whoever caused her to react the way she does can never hurt her again.

“Sorry.” I apologize while continuing to open her door because I’m sure not going to let her do it. I may be grumpy and rude more often than not, but my mom taught me manners and I really need to start using them with this woman.

“Thanks so much for helping Addie tonight.” I start before she climbs into her car. “I’m sorry for being so curt earlier, and I just hope you know how much I appreciate what you’re doing.” We both stand to either side of her driver’s side door and even though it feels like there’s a brick wall between us instead of just a car door, it almost feels as though we’re starting to bring one brick down at a time.

Evangeline’s blue eyes are so hypnotic I could get lost in them even in the dark. Maybe if I spent less time scaring this woman, I wouldn’t have to desperately try to steal these little moments.

Even though I feel this pull to Evangeline, all I see is Larissa’s face. I replay reading her texts, and her decisions over and over again in my head. Knowing full well that someone can emphatically proclaim their love to you and in the next breath, tell you that you and your daughter are not enough.

That realization snaps me back to reality, and before Evangeline can even respond I spit out, “You can just give those containers back to Addie tomorrow. If you pull around the bend you can get Maple at the kennels. Have a good night.” I blurt out, turning on my heel, leaving her standing outside of her car.

I’m a bonafide fool, not even waiting until she gets in to close her door for her. Scratching the back of my head, I stomp back into my house and to the kitchen, more confused than when the night began. It’s then that I realize I just cemented those bricks we were bringing down right back into place. To make matters even worse, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, pull it out, and see a text from the person who haunts my every breath.

Larissa

I’ll be in town in a few weeks to do some inspections before the snow comes. I need to renegotiate our child support so I’ll have to stop by your place. I’ll email my flight plans.

Her flight plans? Does she have to be so pretentious? The city is a two hour drive away. I type out a quick “ok” and set my phone on the magnetic charger dismissing its presence for the night. I get Addie to bed and change into some low-sitting sweats and a plain white t-shirt. I head to the living room, start the fire, and settle down in my chair with some tea. Evangeline is selfless and mesmerizing, but I’m just an old, broken, heartless monster who barely deserves the joy of his daughter’s company, let alone a woman as flawless as her.