Page 86 of Bone Year

I close my eyes and breathe him in and try to let his warmth seep into the cold places.

“I’m tired,” I lie. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

“Of course.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Whatever you need, Mae. I’m here.”

Whatever I need.

I needed to disappear. I needed to stop feeling like I’m failing everyone I try to help. I needed him to stop being so godsdamn patient and let me make a terrible decision for once in my life.

But I can’t say that, so I lie there in his arms and let him think this is enough.

He falls asleep eventually, his breathing going slow and even, his arms still wrapped around me like I’m something so precious.

I stare at the ceiling and feel nothing.

No, that’s not true. I feel fucking angry and frustrated at myself for wanting more than he can give. At him for being so good it makes me feel worse. At the headmaster for being right about everything. At Nella for needing a miracle I can’t perform.

At whoever decided that being held by a boy who loves me, safe and warm and wanted, should feel like a cage I need to claw my way out of.

Nella made me promise to bring her a book from the library tomorrow, some romance novel about a vampire falling in love with a human. She said she wanted to see if it was realistic. I told her I’d be the judge of that.

Cael is in a better mood today. He wasn’t throwing anything or yelling at anyone when I walked in. We’re making good progress. Exchanging stories is softening this old demon up after all.

Or maybe it’s Poppy.

“You brought my little friend.” He nods toward Poppy, who’s already scrambling up onto his bed like it’s her own. “Good. Only decent company I get around here.”

“I’m standing right here.”

“I know.” He half smiles at me, and I scoff.

I settle into the chair beside his bed while Poppy curls up against his side and he tucks his blanket around her.

“You look like hell, girl.” Cael studies me with those vertical pupils. “Something eating at you?”

He fishes a muffin from his side table and hands it to Poppy to munch on, something he’d tucked away for her from breakfast.

I consider lying but decide it’s not worth the effort.

“I asked the headmaster for help with one of my patients. A young vampire with a corrupted wing. The one I told you about when we first met.”

“And?”

“And he said no.”

Cael laughs. A bitter, rasping sound. “Of course he did. Ashmoor doesn’t waste his blood on charity cases. Never has.”

“She’s only fourteen years old and desperately wants to fly again. I feel so bad for her. Her family hasn’t even come to visit her.”

“Doesn’t matter if she’s four or four hundred. That man hasn’t saved anyone he didn’t have a use for in over a century.” He shakes his head. “You want to know something about our beloved headmaster?”

I lean forward. “What?”

Cael starts to pet Poppy but his eyes go distant, seeing something far away. “I saw him once during the last cycle on the battlefield outside Thornwall. You know how many people died at Thornwall?”

I shake my head.

“Twelve thousand in three days.” He clears his throat. “The fissure there wasn’t like the small ones you hear about, the ones that happen between cycles. This one was a wound in the world, a tear in the sky itself, stretching across the ground and up into the clouds, bleeding black that smelled of burning flesh. The cycles are always a little different, but that one...”