Page 27 of What Beats Within the Tunnels

I reach over to refill both of our glasses. He immediately grabs his, raising it to me.

“To helping each other pick up the pieces,” he proposes a toast, a glint in those emerald eyes.

“And to finding strength in the broken places,” I reply, clinking my glass against his.

“Let’s start with that scar I’ve noticed, the one that extends all the way across your chest,” I say.

“You’ve been eyeing my chest?” he teases, the corner of his mouth quirking up. But then his face becomes more solemn. “That scar... I got it saving three elemental Pixies in the Dream Forest.”

My attention is immediately drawn to this. Pixies are mischievous little Faeries, tiny enough to fit in your hand. Nyx once claimed that my father must have nicknamed me after them. “And what were you saving them from? What happened?” I’m brimming with curiosity.

“As the son of two powerful elders, no lie, I lived a life of privilege. My parents are respected figures in our community, which isn’t without its perks. They’re good people, but I can’t say the same about everyone they associate with. Like any other society, not all the Fae are benevolent. There are those dripping in gold who frivolously buy whatever their hearts desire. And then there are those who have nothing and are willing to do anything for a single gold piece,” he explains. I find myself leaning in, drawn into his story, sipping my wine.

“In my youth, I was a bit of a rebel and had quite a fiery temperament. My parents planned every moment of my life — intensive training, council meetings, and everything in between. But it felt stifling, a trap. I charted my own path, standing up against the injustices in our community.”

“And what injustices were these?” I ask, watching him pause to take a drink.

“It was infuriating to see magical creatures treated as toys by the privileged. I acted against the rules, defied the norm, and ended up with a few battle scars. But I’d do it all over again if it meant setting things right.”

“So you’ve saved more than a few elemental Pixies, haven’t you?”

He nods. “Those Pixies had been trapped outside their homes and tossed into a cage with magical bars, set to be sold to some loathsome character wanting to hang them in his house like stuffed birds.”

“Why would anyone do such a thing?” I can’t help but ask, though I know all too well how cruel some people can be. My heart aches at the thought of the innocent creatures that Samael might have harmed over the years. A fury stirs deep within me. “Anyone who harms defenseless creatures doesn’t deserve to live.”

Colton looks at me, his gaze turned serious. “Well, Princess, it seems we’ve finally found common ground.”

“No wonder Chepi likes you. He must sense you look out for all magical creatures,” I say, smiling as I glance back at Chepi, who’s lying on the bed, watching us.

“Tell me the top three things causing you pain right now,” Colton says, abruptly shifting the conversation. It catches me off guard. “And I’m not talking about physical pain.”

I hold my glass, gently swirling it and watching as the wine sloshes around. Its deep red hue reminds me of drinking blood, and my thoughts drift to Luke again. I don’t really want to delve into my issues right now. I barely grazed the surface of these things with Nyx, and that was tough enough. I’d prefer to bury everything, hoping one day to forget. Although that seems unlikely, it’s a comforting notion. I realize this is what Colton’s been aiming for all afternoon— coaxing me to vocalize my feelings, confront the things troubling me for better control. Yet, I know it’s bound to be an emotionally exhausting process.

The influence of whiskey and wine, or perhaps the urgency to take a leap of faith, prompts me to confess, “The murders of Luke and the other young Lycans, Aidan’s violation, and the heartbreak Nyx inflicted with his deceit.” Saying these things aloud feels almost cathartic. I know none of this is news to Colton, who got a glimpse of it in the maze today, and he must have heard rumors as well. He listens with an intense gaze, a wave of seriousness washing over his face.

“Tell me about them. Let’s start with Luke,” he says. “Tell me what hurts the most, what wakes you up in the night, and how it makes you feel.”

I take a long, slow breath. No amount of alcohol in Zomea could prepare me for this conversation, yet I decide to lay it all bare. No worse can happen, and if this is the path to managing my emotions and mastering dark magic to save Zomea, then I must tread it.

“Luke was the first friend I ever made. He felt like a younger brother in the short time we were together. I was naive and should’ve seen it coming, but I didn’t, and then came the ceremony. Dawn, Yuri, Luke... They all died that night because of me. Witnessing their deaths is something I can never unsee, but locking eyes with Luke as his throat was ripped open, watching him drown in his own blood and maintaining eye contact till his last breath, that image haunts me. I’ve seen him here in Zomea, you know, through my midnight mind. Despite my father’s skepticism, I believe he’s here. I believe Luke made it to Zomea.”

“Their deaths were not your fault, but I understand why you might feel that they were. Now, tell me about Aidan,” he urges, leaning back in his chair and watching me intently.

“Aidan took my virginity, took something from me I’ll never get back. He drugged me with moon bread, made me think I wanted it, turned me into a willing participant the first time. It was a horrific experience, but it was nothing compared to the time he raped me. When I think about what he did…” I twirl my glass in my lap, focusing on the red liquid, unable to look at him while I speak.

“I feel dirty, shameful, tainted. I feel an overwhelming fury, not just toward him and what happened but toward myself as well. I blame myself for putting myself in that situation. I think I should have found a way to resist him, to escape. The thought of him inside me churns my stomach and makes my skin crawl. Sometimes, nightmares about that night jolt me awake, my throat sore from screaming in my sleep. And the worst part is, even now, as I share this with you, I feel like a burden. I feel weak and embarrassed. I should be able to handle all of this without feeling broken, yet when I allow myself to feel, ‘damaged’ is the only word that comes to mind.”

“You are not a burden, Lyra, and everything you’re feeling is entirely justified. Your feelings matter. I never want you to hold back from telling me something because you think you’re burdening me. What he did is…” He exhales, shaking his head. “I wish he weren’t already dead so I could exact justice myself. He had better hope he’s not in Zomea,” Colton says, his knuckles whitening where he’s gripping the wine bottle. I look away, taking a deep breath.

I think about my mother, and my heart aches. I wish we could have been closer, and while her death does affect me, and there are times I miss her, she also caused me pain. Not in the same way Aidan did, but a different kind of hurt. I think about Samael too and all the harm he inflicted on me over the years until the very end, but somehow neither of those experiences hurt as much as losing Nyx.

Before Colton can say anything else, I voice my thoughts, “And then there’s Nyx. He appeared out of nowhere like some white knight—too good to be true, like something from a book my father used to read to me as a child. He rescued me when I needed it most and made me trust him. He was kind to me, showed me that I could feel good and be happy. He made me feel safe. He made me fall for him. But he lied. He lied about everything, time and time again. Every time I gave him a chance to explain himself, he’d tell me more lies. I was so naive that I believed him, even after catching him in his lies. I didn’t want to face the truth.” I swallow the lump building in my throat.

“When Samael captured us, and I thought I might lose Nyx, I was out of my mind with worry. But then Samael’s last words revealed Nyx’s true intentions. He’d been watching me since childhood, had always planned on killing me. Despite all that, I could have forgiven him because he said he loved me. But I don’t want that kind of love. You don’t lie to the ones you love.” I pause taking a few steady breaths.

“So, in the end, the damage was done, and I told him to leave. He brought Chepi back to me, thinking we would pick up where we left off. But too much had happened, and I didn’t even feel like the same person. I’m a broken person, Colton. I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself or say it aloud, but I think Nyx seized the opportunity to take advantage of my vulnerability, to shape me into whatever he wanted. Maybe he did love me, but in the end it wasn’t enough.” As I speak, tears stream down my face, and I swipe them away with the back of my hand.

“And it’s not entirely his fault. My own desperation for his love, for any semblance of affection, played its part too.”