Page 17 of What Lies Beyond the Realms

I’m lying in the bath, trying to soothe my burning skin and stop my trembling hands. I’ve cried all my tears, but the pain won’t go away. My fingers clutch at my necklace, the cool bloodstone doing nothing to relieve the churning in my gut. I feel like my body is shutting down. I can’t process what just happened. My stomach lurches, and I vomit onto the floor. The dry heaves are violent and unrelenting. I try to catch my breath, but my heart is racing, and my chest feels tight. My mind keeps replaying the events over and over, and it’s too much to bear.

When I look down at my body, it doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore. The only visible evidence of what happened is a little bit of blood in the water and a dark bruise developing on my breast, but I feel like what happened covers me everywhere.

No amount of scrubbing can wash away the shame and fear. I need to get out and face the world, but every inch of me is screaming for the safety of the bath. I force myself to stand up, the world spinning around me, and I know that I’ll never forget this moment, no matter how hard I try to escape it. I feel so dirty, filthy, and used. My body convulses with a gut-wrenching heave, and I can’t help but cry. I need to be clean, but no amount of scrubbing will make it go away. The past has wrapped around me like a snake, suffocating me. I don’t know how I’ll ever recover from this, but I know one thing for sure. My life will never be the same.

I towel off, trying to rub away the feelings of shame and disgust that still linger on my skin. I comb out my hair, trying to distract myself from the thoughts swirling in my mind. I pick up the clothes Aidan left for me in the bedroom, grateful for the distraction. The crimson dress is stunning, but as I slip it on the smell of red currants and gooseberries fills my nostrils, making me feel sick. I know I’ll be itching all night; my skin never agrees with brush berries. The neckline is cut lower than anything I wore in Tempest Moon, but it’s a welcome change. I’m sick of hiding my body behind heavy velvet and itchy wool.

Despite the beauty of the dress, I’m freezing, and I know the cold will only serve to bury the pain that I’m not yet ready to face. I pull on my boots and sit down, trying to calm my racing heart. I take deep breaths, telling myself it’s going to be okay, that I just have to get though the next couple of days, and then I’ll be back home. I can’t let this asshole break me. I pep talk myself for a few more minutes, the weight of what happened still heavy on my shoulders.

Once I’m satisfied that I can steady my hands and my breathing, I leave the bedroom to meet Aidan. As I walk, I try to push down the sickening feeling in my stomach and focus on the present, telling myself that I’m stronger than this and that I won’t let him win.

* * *

As I walk down the hall, Aidan is waiting for me by the fireplace. He’s dressed formally, wearing gray pants and a white tunic with white furs draped over his shoulders. The sight of him causes a familiar sickening feeling to flare up in the pit of my stomach. My heart races, and my palms begin to sweat. I remind myself that I’m a princess, a Sorceress, and the daughter of Euric Lewis, one of the most powerful kings to ever rule over Cloudrum. I’ll cower to no one, not even this monster.

But despite my resolve, the feeling of disgust doesn’t go away. I force myself to look Aidan in the eye, but it’s a struggle to keep my composure. I can feel the bile rising in my throat, threatening to choke me. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what’s to come. It stops here and now. I won’t let this man take advantage of me again.

I walk straight to the front door, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart and the tremble in my legs. The weight of everything that’s happened bears down on me, threatening to crush me. But I know that I have to be strong, that I can’t let him see my fear. I’m determined to get through this, to show him that I won’t be broken.

“Can we go now, please?”

“Yes, Cheeks, we can go,” he says. The sound of his voice and him calling me that triggers me. I bite my cheek until the metallic taste of blood touches my tongue. I will not let him get under my skin. I repeat this in my head until my jaw loosens, and I follow after him out the front door. The sun has just set, and it’s not quite dark yet. He takes me to the stables, and we ride Geri together toward town. Aidan must feel the hate radiating off me, but he says nothing. Thankfully we reached the hall in the center of town after only a few minutes of riding.

There are Lycan walking around everywhere in human form. There’s a huge bonfire set up outside the hall entrance. It’s not lit yet, but it’s taller than me and as wide as a carriage. As I approach the bonfire, I notice benches scattered around and beautiful blue and white flowers tied together and strewn overhead. Laughter from the dining hall echoes in the background as more people arrive, and the excitement in the air is palpable. Aidan offers me a hand, and I reluctantly let him lead me into the large hall, which may not be fancy, but it feels warm and welcoming.

Most everyone is having a great time, clinking glasses together, and their elevated voices ring out across the hall. The celebratory atmosphere is infectious. The room is lined with rectangular wood tables, with one smaller table placed at the head of the hall going the opposite direction. The floor is covered in the most unusual fur rugs, dyed the deepest shade of blue. The tables are adorned with linens in the same deep blue as the fur rugs, and huge platters full of food are arranged on top of them. My senses are overwhelmed by the aroma of spiced meat and rich caramel.

I see whole roast clippers, wolpertinger pies, towarra buns, and about a dozen other dishes I don’t recognize.

Aidan walks me to the table at the head of the room and pulls out a chair for me. I sit down, and he sits next to me, unfortunately. Everyone is dressed formally in bright colors and draped in rich furs. However, this doesn’t seem like a formal sit-down dinner. No one pays any attention to us. People are standing and sitting scattered all around the room talking, eating, and drinking. There are enough bodies here to make me forgot about the cold and feel like it’s a warm summer evening. I see Rhett across the room. He's in conversation with a couple who could be his parents. They’re all laughing and seem to be enjoying each other’s company. This is so at odds with what I’m used to seeing at the dinner parties back home. I haven’t spotted Luke yet, and I hope Aidan didn’t get to him while I was bathing.

I soon realize I’m sitting at the table for all the pack leaders. Every time someone sits at our table, Aidan introduces me, but I’ve already forgotten everyone’s name because I’m too distracted looking for Luke. The man next to me is the only one I remember because he won't stop asking me questions.

“So, Princess Lyra, how are you liking it here in Cinder territory so far?” Zog asks. Zog is a pack leader, and his pack resides deep within the Shifting Forest. He’s very tall and muscular with a similar build to Aidan, only he has short brown hair and a full beard. His breath stinks of onions, and he kind of gives me the creeps.

“It’s very nice. Thanks for asking.” I stay charming even though I cringe at the thought of this place. I never thought I’d be excited to go back to Tempest Moon.

“Would you care for some potato piss or a hot claw, Princess? I see you’re not drinking anything.” Zog leans closer to me.

“Hot claw please.” The gods know I need it. He brings me a large mug. It smells of apples and honey with hints of vanilla. “What is in a hot claw?” I ask.

“It’s hot cider spiked with potato piss. Too sweet for my liking.” He holds his glass up. “To you, Princess.” His voice is toneless and makes my skin crawl.

“Umm . . . thanks.” I smile and take a long drink. I feel it travel all the way down, warming my insides. At least alcohol is allowed here. It’ll make this night easier to bear. I’m not exactly hungry, but I pick at a roll and a few pieces of clipper trying to pass the time.

It’s dark now, and everyone’s been eating and chatting for a couple hours. I’ve had to listen to Zog tell me stories of hunting monsters that live in the Shifting Forest. He has a lot to say about spider wraiths and how they only recently started to plague these lands. While it's interesting to learn about the Shifting Forest, I just don’t want to learn about it from him. I’m so relieved when Aidan stands and announces it's time to gather outside and light the bonfire.

When I stand to go outside, I have to catch myself for a moment. I’m fully feeling the effects of the hot claw now. I guess I should slow down or I won’t be able to stand outside until midnight. Plus, I know Luke is excited, and I want to be there to see him shift and support him. I still haven’t seen him, which is worrisome, but there are a lot of people here. I could’ve just missed him.

Everyone gathers outside around the fire pit and Marth, a rather round older-looking gentleman with a gray scruffy beard, lights the fire. The fire is gigantic and lights up the entire village center once it gets going. The sound of sizzling pops and cracks can be heard every now and then over the music and chatter. The air is thick and smells of smoke and pine.

Aidan has been in deep discussions with other pack leaders, so I make my way around the groups of people talking and laughing and try to find a familiar face. Finally, I see Rhett. He seems to spot me at the same time and comes over, embracing me in a big hug. I have to bite my cheek again to keep from breaking down and telling him everything right then.

“Hey, have you seen Luke?” I say instead, trying not to sound worried. I don't want to give away anything that happened earlier. Better Rhett doesn’t know.

“No, I haven’t, but I’m sure he’s just preparing for tonight. He’s probably nervous for his first shift.” He looks at me, furrowing his eyebrows. “Come dance with me.” He pulls me over in front of a lady singing next to a man playing guitar. It’s a slow song, and a few other couples are swaying around us. I wrap my arms around his neck and let him take the lead.

“Is this your way of trying to distract me so I don’t worry?” I say into his shoulder.