Page 101 of Shattered Pieces

“I just want everything to be perfect, which is hard when my head’s all messed up. I want more, but then the panic creeps in and I pull back,” I mumbled, and he reached across the table to take my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“We’ll figure it out. Don’t rush into anything.”

“I’m not. I want more, but it fucking terrifies me at the same time. What if I hate it? Do we just have a non-sexual relationship forever? Did we get it wrong and we’re just friends? I don’t⁠—”

“Baby, listen to me,” he murmured, stopping my panic before it could turn into something worse. “This is definitely more than friends. If you want to take things further, stop worrying about fumbling and looking stupid. I’ll be fumbling too. If you want to top me, I’m okay with that. Start there, and if you decide to switch another time, we can. You might just be a top, not everyone likes both. You can still fall in love with me and not want my cock in your ass.”

I was so glad no one was dining close to us to have heard that.

“I still freeze up,” I said with embarrassment.

“We’ll set the mood when we get home. Lots of foreplay. You just need to relax and roll with it,” he assured me, pointing to my plate. “Finish your dinner. You’ll want the energy.”

“What if it’s bad?”

He grinned, taking my fork and stabbing it into a piece of potato to feed it to me.

“It probably will be. First times always suck a little, so once it’s out of the way, it will get better.”

I took the fork back and nodded, finishing my food and not really knowing what else to say as I went over the situation in my head. I liked messing around with him, so maybe if we just got naked and started teasing each other, we could ease into it without making a big deal out of it?

Nerves filled me once we got into the Lamborghini and headed towards his house, my heartbeat slamming in my throat.

“Relax,” Jensen murmured, placing his hand on my thigh. “You’re thinking too much again.”

“It’s hard not to.”

“I know, but try,” he replied, and I envied how calm he was. Mom’s voice started in my head, his hand giving my thigh a gentle squeeze to let me know he could sense it getting worse.

By the time we got to the house and walked into the kitchen, I wanted to throw up.

“Come on,” he encouraged, leading me up to his bedroom and taking charge like I needed him to.

His mouth on mine eased the panic as we made our way to the bed, and he didn’t do anything new, simply kissing me while unbuttoning my pants. My breath hitched as he slid his hand into my boxers and wrapped it around my cock, keeping the pace slow.

My fingers got to work on the buttons on his suit, starting to strip him before myself so I could feel his heated skin. The closeness always relaxed something inside of me, his skin feeling good on mine.

He became a little rougher as he laid over me, and I started pushing my pants and boxers off, needing to be closer to him.

A content sigh left me once we were naked and he was lying on top of me, his hand moving between us to stroke me. I liked it like this, it was lazy but desperate, making my heart race.

“How about we switch places? Get the lube and finger me while I keep playing with your cock,” he whispered, encouraging me to lie over him instead.

I jerked slightly as if Mom had screamed right in my face, calling me names and tarnishing it like she always did.

“Focus on me,” he murmured, his hand on the back of my neck to bring me down for a kiss, being more than happy to stick to what we were doing a moment ago.

I reached for the lube once I was calm again, knowing we’d done this a few times now and it was easy. He pulled his legs back slightly to give me better access, groaning when I smeared lube on his ass before gently easing a finger inside.

“Luke—”

“I know,” I replied softly, kissing him as I pushed my finger deeper, adding a second when I felt like he was ready. I was so fucking hard, loving the desperate sounds that left him the more I worked him.

“Want me to use a condom?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to assume he was cool without it just because we didn’t use them with Rory.

“Hell no. I want you to come in me,” he answered, his fingers in my hair as he bit my lower lip, sucking the sting away a moment later.

I kept teasing him with my fingers, trying to psych myself up to go further. I wanted this, and I knew once I just did it, it would become easier next time.