Page 170 of Reckless Vengeance

“We can’t,” he said tightly, and I reached out to take his hand, giving it a small squeeze.

“We don’t have to. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. If you need a hug, I’m here.”

“Christmas was so special with her,” he whispered, holding my hand when I went to let go.

“Stay for lunch. Josie would love you to be here, and so would we. Open your presents.”

“I can’t. I need to go,” he said as his voice broke, but he still didn’t move.

“Come here,” I offered, tugging on his hand slightly to encourage him up the bed.

“My shoes⁠—”

“I don’t care. Come here,” I said firmly, waiting for him to shuffle up the bed before I pushed him back down on it and curled into him, sliding an arm around his waist to cuddle him.

His body was tense for a second, his fight or flight kicking in, but after a moment, he relaxed a little and put an arm around me, tucking me against him more as we laid there in silence.

His chin rested above my head as he let out a shaky breath, and I pressed my cheek against his chest as I got comfortable.

His breathing evened out after a while, his hold on me loosening, telling me he’d fallen asleep. I didn’t dare move, not wanting to disturb him if he hadn’t been sleeping a lot lately, and despite feeling a little wired, I managed to get a little shut eye too.

Diesel

It had been a long time since I’d woken up in someone’s arms. Confusion hit me when I stirred, but then I realized I was still in Rory’s room and she was tucked against me sleeping.

A mix of panic and peace hit me at once, making me want to bail, but enjoying it too much to ruin it.

I couldn’t be with her, but I couldn’t force myself to move.

My fingers lifted to her hair, stroking it and savoring the feeling washing through me. This was what I missed the most. The soft touches and the cuddles.

She nuzzled into my chest and I brushed some hair back from her face, staring down at her.

I could never love her with my whole heart because Sasha would always hold a piece of that, and that wasn’t fair to her.

Did that make me a coward? She was right, she could love five guys and knew exactly how I felt since she was loving someone who had been taken from her too, but she loved so damn easily. There was so much to go around.

Me though? I wasn’t sure if I could start over like that.

How did someone go from building a future with their soulmate, to asking someone their favorite color again? How did you learn to be intimate with a person after having that with someone else?

It was obviously possible, but I didn’t know if it would be possible for me.

Could I even be intimate without thinking of Sasha?

I was lying in bed with Rory, thinking about someone else, and that cemented the fact that I couldn't do this.

Mind made up, I very carefully extracted myself from her and slipped from the bed, grabbing the presents that Josie had given me before quietly leaving the room.

I almost jumped out of my damn skin when I tripped on Skeeter, who was sitting against the wall just outside the door.

“Don’t do that,” he warned, staring up at me.

“Do what?”

“Sneak out on her. She’s not asking you for anything, just tell her you’re leaving. She’s been worried about you, and that’s the longest she’s slept since the accident. You too, probably.”

“I can’t be what she wants,” I said weakly, and he rolled his eyes.