Page 195 of The Monster and the Masochist

But I didn’t want him to push them back. I wanted him to unleash them on me.

I wanted to feel the pain of his fists as he laid into me.

I just wanted him to make it stop.

“I get that you’re upset, but if you threaten Ryan again, I will put you on your fucking ass,” Cal growled in warning, and I let out a manic laugh that didn’t sound like me at all.

“Fucking do it! Hit me!” I screamed, and Cal’s pupils blew, telling me that my plan was working.

“Theo…” Cal’s tone was lethal, and I found myself balancing on the balls of my shredded feet in anticipation. He was seconds away from snapping when, suddenly, a third person blew into the gym.

Even through the overwhelming stench of blood and tequila, I could smell the vanilla notes of her perfume as she flitted like a shadow through the door.

She slammed into her brother, shoving him back and away from me so hard he stumbled a few feet back… which was impressive, considering Callum was a 6’4” wall of fucking muscle.

“Back off, Callum. Take Ryan and go upstairs. Now,” she hissed, and Callum stared at her, his normally brown eyes still swallowed by the black of his pupils.

“She threatened Ryan,” he growled, clenching his fists so hard at his sides that his knuckles cracked.

“Look at her, Cal. She’s triggered. You know what it’s like to be triggered. She didn’t mean it. Let it go,” Cass said, her voice oddly calm, considering the horror show she’d just walked into.

Cal hesitated, and I could tell he still wanted to kill me. I prayed that he would, but my prayers went unanswered as Ryan came up behind him and slipped his arms around Cal’s waist, tugging him back toward the door.

“Come on, angel. I’m alright. See? I’m not hurt. Let’s go upstairs and give them some privacy.”

Like a predator reluctant to release its prey, Callum forced himself to turn his gaze away from me, and I watched as his entire demeanor softened beneath his fiancé’s gentle touch.

Ryan smiled at him, though he still looked pale and more than a little bit shaken.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go.”

Cal shot me one more dark look before nodding. Without another word, he cuffed my brother by the back of the neck and guided him firmly out of the room, making sure to keep his body between his fiancé and me the entire time.

Panic tore through me as I watched them go.

I glanced at the floor, feeling the blood drain from my face as I took in the remnants of the wasted bottle of tequila.

Now I had no booze and no one to hurt me.

I had nothing.

Nothing but Father Samwell’s voice and his sickeningly gentle touches.

‘Such a pretty girl, all dressed up in heels… So good for me…’

A sob escaped my lips as the anger I’d been clinging to suddenly dissipated, and I was consumed by fear again.

No, no, no… Make it stop… make it stop…

“Theo…” Cass whispered, and I blinked at her through my tears, doing everything I could to keep my eyes open.

I knew if I shut them, I would be overcome by memories, and this time, I might never find my way back out.

“Theo, baby… talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

“I–I c-can’t do this anymore, Cass…” I croaked. Shaking my head helplessly, I backed away from her, and the cuts on my feet burned as the alcohol soaked through my soles.

“Can’t do what, baby?” she whispered. For each step back I took, she took a matching step forward until I was pressed against the cold concrete wall of my tiny gym.