Page 136 of The Monster and the Masochist

I pinched my nose and let out an exasperated sigh.

Everything was fucked.

“No, Cass, I’m going to say something. She can’t just say shit like that without any repercussions.”

I leveled him with tired eyes and sighed.

“You think I give a fuck if Trish from administration thinks I’m a cunt, Nolan? We have bigger problems. We’re going to lose this fucking case, and what’s worse is I’m honestly fine with that. This guy is a monster.”

Nolan stared at me, his mouth a firm line.

I leaned back in my chair, squeezing my eyes shut against the abrasive overhead lights. Spinning my blood red ring on my finger, I thought of Theo curled up and alone on the couch at home…

I knew she hadn’t disappeared again. She’d kept her word and texted me every hour, and I hadn’t heard from the doorman, which meant she hadn’t left… but…

I was missing something here.

She’d disappeared on me twice now.

Once after that work event, then after the whole pasta bowl fiasco.

They had to be connected somehow, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how. The settings had been completely different…

There was something I wasn’t seeing. It was this frustrating little tickle at the edge of my mind. Like… something was on the tip of my tongue, or looming just in my peripheral…

What was I missing here?

“What’s going on, Cass?” Nolan asked, his tone uncharacteristically gentle.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, taking in the concerned pinch of his brow.

“Come on. You can tell me. No matter what you think, I’m not your enemy here. We’re a team. I’ve never heard you sound like this while working a case before. Something is bothering you.”

My leg was bouncing, and I was still nervously spinning my engagement ring on my finger. Nolan’s gaze dropped to my ring, and his frown deepened.

“Is it because this man is obviously a sexist pig? Or is it more than that?”

I looked Nolan up and down, unsure if I could trust him, and he waited patiently for me to answer.

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or the out-of-control levels of stress I’d been dealing with lately, but I found myself telling him some version of the truth.

“It’s more than that. I’m… I’m going through some shit. Theo got hurt yesterday, and this guy is… Even if I wasn’t going through what I’m going through with Theo right now, my brother is gay. My mother was a religious nutcase, and I have a lot of fucked up trauma around shit like this. Everything about this case is triggering me, and I honestly don’t know if I can do it.”

I expected Nolan to look triumphant or to throw it back in my face, but he didn’t. Instead, he softened and nodded.

“Okay. So what do you want to do?”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

What did I want to do?

“I… I don’t know.”

His lip twitched.

“It must be a cold day in hell,” he responded dryly.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”