Page 122 of The Monster and the Masochist

She was probably so embarrassed with herself for even thinking of getting involved with someone like me.

A strange, but sad sense of relief welled through me as I adjusted to the fact that Cass was almost definitely going to just cut her losses and get rid of me as soon as she had the chance.

If she asked me to leave, I wouldn’t need to bother telling her that her client had molested me.

The thought of ever having to tell her the truth had me taking another few large, desperate gulps of wine.

The only reason she was even with me in the first place was so she could make partner… I assumed Samwell was the client who had refused to work with an unmarried woman.

Cass had been desperate enough to get this guy on retainer that she had organized a whole staged marriage… There was no way she would jeopardize her career over some shit that happened to her fake wife nearly twenty years ago.

If she kicked me out because she didn’t want to live with a walking disaster with alcoholic tendencies, it would somehow hurt less than knowing she would pick my rapist over me.

Really, it would just be easier if she kicked me out.

Less messy.

Taking another gulp of wine, I stepped into the elevator, thinking about how much easier it would be to just fade away once I was back living alone in my guesthouse.

At least when I fell apart alone, I didn’t have to worry about waking up to eviction notices disguised as Post-it notes.

It was just me and my demons, and maybe that was just the way it was always meant to be.

I’d left Theo a note telling her we needed to talk before I left for work that morning. She’d passed out in the shower, and I couldn’t just leave her there like that, so instead of going to kick-boxing, I pulled her semi-conscious body out of the bathroom and tucked her into bed.

I’d picked the guest room mostly because I was still worried she might puke, and I was pretty sure neither of us was going to want to sleep in a room that smelled like vomit after we hashed everything out later that night.

As the day wore on, my anger with her slowly faded, and I was left with nothing but concern.

I’d never known Theo to drink like that. She hadn’t even had a glass of champagne on our wedding day, for Christ’s sake.

Something had happened, and I needed to figure out what.

Unfortunately, work was insanely busy, and I barely had time to breathe, let alone come up with a plan on how I was going to get Theo to open up to me.

I was exhausted, running on no sleep, and the reverend’s case was already going to shit, and it had barely even started yet.

Both Nolan and Alyssa could tell I was hanging by a thread, and it was clear they were both walking on eggshells around me.

I’d made it clear to both of them that, despite how busy it was, I had a hard stop at five. Neither of them had argued with me–not even Nolan–which I was grateful for, considering I knew he was going to be trucking along alone without me until at least ten pm.

Over the course of the day, I’d texted and called Theo several times, but her phone seemed to be off.

I couldn’t get a hold of her at all, and it was making me fucking crazy.

Was she still passed out?

Was she training?

She wasn’t still going to fight tonight, was she?

Something told me she was, but I was hopeful that if I went home early, I would find her curled up on our couch, playing her Switch or something.

So, as I packed up my laptop and got ready to leave, I was feeling a little frantic and impatient.

“Mrs. Walker, before you go–”

“I really don’t have time, Alyssa. I’m sorry,” I said, and I stalked past her desk on my way to the elevators. I checked my phone for the millionth time to see if Theo had texted me back as my tiny EA rushed to keep up with me.