Page 129 of Pretty Savage: Defy

I have no way to know.

The uncertainty coils in my stomach, increasing with every step until my entire body strains to remain still.

Carrson climbs the dais and takes his place beside me. He does not reach for my hand or turn his head. He faces the crowd, leaving me to wonder whether the distance between us is part of the ceremony or something he chose.

Carr raises the dagger above his head. Light from hundreds of candles and torches bends across the blade as he turns it, setting the etched words briefly aflame.

“Mothers and Fathers. Sisters and Brothers. We gather today in a time of great sadness. We are under attack.”

I look toward the benches, expecting someone to weep or cry out, but every face remains composed. They are too disciplined to show grief, even if they feel it.

“Fear not,” Carr continues, his voice filling the hall. “We will fight back as our ancestors have so many times before. We will rise triumphant, as is God’s will. Amen.”

“Amen,” the crowd answers.

Hundreds of hands rise together, touching forehead, chest, shoulder, and shoulder. The black mourning bands around their sleeves pass through the candlelight in one dark wave.

“Today, we witness the bonding of Carrson Ashford to Laurel Turner, heir to the Bellefleur line.” Carr lowers the dagger until the blade points between us. “Today they will bond…”

He stops before the final words.

“In blood,” the room answers.

The response crashes through the hall. Among the deeper voices, I hear Carrson’s southern drawl beside me and the higher voices of the Sisters rising from the benches.

Carrson’s voice mixes with hundreds of others, making him sound like part of the room too. A reminder that he belongs to The Order in a way I never will. That he belonged to them long before I met him. That he may belong to them long after I’m gone.

“Indeed.” Carr nods, looking pleased they’ve responded correctly. “After the bonding, we will perform an ancient ceremony, one not witnessed in generations. Carrson and Laurel will be sealed…”

I expect the answer this time, but my body still jolts when every voice responds.

“By sight.”

Carr smiles, his eyes moving over the faces before him.

“Bonded by blood. Sealed by sight.”

“Bonded by blood. Sealed by sight,” the crowd repeats.

The words come from hundreds of mouths with such perfect synchronicity that individual voices disappear. The Order speaks through them as one body.

“We honor our traditions through every generation so that our way will survive, prevail, and continue unbroken until our goal of perfection is achieved." Carr bows his head. "Amen.”

“Amen,” says the crowd. I find Abbie and Thom among the benches, each holding the cross of The Order like it’s a compass pointing them toward the righteous path.

Carr moves between Carrson and me.

This is it.

My heart beats so fast blood rushes in my ears. I peer into the shadows of Carrson’s hood, desperate for one glimpse of his face, one indication of what he’s thinking.

Does he want this?

Does he want me?

“Carrson, Laurel, remove your hoods,” Carr says.

I push mine back. Carrson does the same.