Page 60 of Pretty Thing

Heading down the hall, I tackle the stairs. Each one causes me to wince, but I manage to make it to the bottom of the stairs and stop dead.

The Christmas tree that has sat in the corner, empty of ornaments since before the accident, now has lights and is decorated.

Felix has his back to me, and I don’t know if I want to cry or throw something at him.

“What are you doing?”

Felix spins around, holding a photograph in his left hand and an ornament in his right.

“Oh…um…well, it was supposed to be a surprise. I wanted to have it all done before you woke up.”

“Felix…this is something I used to do with my parents.” I point at the tree. “Our tradition. I wasn’t going to decorate it at all. It felt wrong now that they’re gone.”

He slowly steps toward me, the turmoil of emotions swirling in my chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Because you don’t ask, you just do. You don’t see me showing up wherever you live and involving myself with all your personal stuff, do you?”

He looks back at the tree and then at me again.

“I’m sorry. Being here and doing things for you…” He shrugs. “It makes me feel useful and helpful. I just wanted to do something nice to make up for everything before, and here I am doing it again.”

Guilt settles in my gut and swirls around with the frustration and grief. All I can do is push it aside for now, because dealing with it head-on is too much.

“Just…please ask. That’s what I really need.”

“I can take all the decorations off and put them away if you want?”

My eyes roam over the tree. The lights are placed as if my dad did it, and the ornaments are exactly where my mum loved them. I slowly shake my head.

“I thought it would feel like a betrayal to their memory to decorate the tree without them.”

“And now?” Felix probes.

I shrug. “I’m not sure. I can’t decipher a single emotion right now.”

“What would your parents want you to do? Do you think they want you to mourn them by not doing the things they loved to do with you? Or would they want you to continue your traditions? Thinking of them and celebrating their lives. They must have been extraordinary people to have raised someone as wonderful as you?”

I run my lower lip through my teeth and meet his eyes.

“Just tell me what you want, and I’ll do it. If you want me to take everything down, I will,” he says, his voice soft.

“No, leave it.”

Like everything else with Felix, he dives headfirst into something he has no right to do but somehow…it always ends up being what I need. The turtle handle of the cane digs into my palm, my body trembling as I look at the glittering tree as if seeing it for the very first time.

Felix steps forward and shows me the picture in his hand.

“This was stuck to the fridge.” It’s a photo from last Christmas. “I thought I could copy it so that it matches.”

He holds it out to me, and I blink away the tears trying to form. I’m so tired of crying.

“They’re identical,” I say, more to myself than him.

It’s incredible how, despite the trees being real ones and different shapes, he still managed to get everything in the same spots.

“Pretty close. I have a few ornaments left. Do you want to put them on?”