Page 28 of Pretty Thing

“Felix, I’m alright. I should’ve waited for the boot. I’m okay,” I say, but he won’t even look at me.

“Mr. —” Jonathan looks at his paperwork as if he’s hunting for the answer.

“Felix.”

“Felix, the goal is recovery. Avoiding all discomfort entirely isn’t realistic. And yes, I’m sure that putting all of her weight on it caused a sudden jolt of pain, but it is unlikely that it caused further damage.”

Jonathan looks up from his paperwork and then holds out a sheet with exercises and a schedule.

“Take your time and see you at your next appointment.”

He opens the door and walks out, leaving me alone with Felix.

Felix locks the Aircast in place before handing me the crutch.

It hurts more now, and I suck in a deep breath.

“Dammit. I hate this,” I mumble.

I feel like such an asshole. I’m weak and tired, and…I don’t know.

“Hey. Hey.” Felix’s hand cups the back of my neck gently. “You’re okay.”

“I feel like such a burden.”

A stupid, exhausted tear trails slowly down my cheek, and Felix immediately wipes it away, his fingers lingers on my cheeks.

“You were in a nineteen-car pileup,” he says firmly. “You’re lucky that you’re walking at all. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You did great today, Jonathan said so.”

I nod despite not feeling lucky. I can hardly breathe. Lucky would’ve been all of us surviving. Not this. Not me watching my parents die.

“Eden, recovery after trauma like this takes time. Not just the physical but mental and emotional as well,” Felix says, pushing the loose strands of hair away from my face before kissing my forehead.

An inappropriate jolt of electricity races down my back

“You’re doing really well,” he says quietly and cups my cheeks. “And remember you have me.”

“I can’t even put pants on by myself.”

“That doesn’t make you weak, and again, that’s why you have me.” Something unreadable flickers across his face. “Your body survived something catastrophic. Stop punishing it for struggling afterward.”

The words are a smack to the face even though he didn’t mean them to be. My mum said something like that all the time. I thought she was just being my mum and trying to make me feel good.

I look down at the exercises and recovery timelines and immediately feel overwhelmed.

“I just wish I were more like you. You have to be grieving, but you’d never know. I hate the whole world seeing my pain written across my face.”

“I’m only doing this well because of you. You’re my support, Eden. I have no one either.”

Felix’s eyes fill with emotion, tugging on my heart. It’s as if we are entwined together in this strange way that I don’t think anyone will ever understand but us.

“Can we go?” My voice sounds so small.

“Sure.”

Felix takes the papers, folds them up, and stuffs them in the back pocket of his jeans. Leaning on Felix all the way to reception, we stop so I can book a dozen more appointments.

Outside, the cold is brutal on my lungs. I used to love winter. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at snow with the same love and magical wonder.