Page 110 of Pretty Thing

“Felix…”

The inside of the car feels too small. I grab the door handle.

I can’t—I can’t be here.

Felix reaches over and cups my cheek, brushing my skin with his thumb.

“Eden. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

I shake my head.

“What are we doing? Why are we here?”

He looks out the windshield.

“I avoided my mum’s room for a long time. She died there, and if I didn’t go in, I could pretend it wasn’t real.” Felix’s fingers slip through mine. “I’m not trying to hurt you.” His eyes search my face. “But avoiding reality isn’t healthy. Your parents died here, and a part of you did too. When you are home, you can pretend that they are just away, but here you can’t. Here you can face what happened and say goodbye.”

My throat closes, and I shake my head.

“Felix, this is too much. I’m not ready,” I growl, glaring at him as tears flow. “You should’ve asked me if I was ready for this, not just brought me here when I was asleep.”

I yank my hand away and cross my arms. I can’t face him, but no matter where I look, there are reminders of what happened here—of what I lost.

No more birthdays, holidays, favorite songs, and unfinished grocery lists. No more tomorrows.

“Eden, I know you’re upset with me, and you’re right, I overstepped again. But take a closer look. People who are hurting just like you come here to say goodbye and let the spirits of their loved ones rest. You won’t ever forget your parents, but maybe saying what you need to here…yelling at the road, swearing at the snow, shouting at the air, God, or whoever you’re mad at, can be healing.”

My lower lip trembles when I glance out the window again, and a cross with sunflowers on it catches my eye.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“I’m sorry that you feel rushed, but I have something for you. This is the only place I can think of that makes sense to give it to you.”

My eyes drift to his face.

“What do you want to give me?”

He shakes his head.

“I have to give it to you out there. I promise that I will be right there with you the whole time. We can do this together because I need to let go of my past too. My mother, my brother, and even on some level, my father.”

His expression falls, and I reach for his hand. I keep forgetting that he lost people here too.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

Felix nods and opens his door.

Can I really do this?

The cold wind stings, and I quickly zip up my jacket after closing the car door. Felix takes my hand, and we walk along the shoulder to the bridge. Snow crunches under my boots as the odd car drives by.

“This is where I found you,” Felix says, and my hand tightens on his.

The screeching tires, crunching metal, and breaking glass come back to me in a rush. I can smell the smoke in my nose and see the dead woman outside my door. I see my father pierced to his seat and my mother hanging limply against her seatbelt.

We came so close to going over the edge and crashing into the icy water below. Then we all would’ve died.

I can’t decide which is worse, losing my parents or dying with them. But when Felix wraps his arm around my waist, I have my answer.