Page 52 of Allegiant

I’m so surprised that I speak again. “What are you doing?”

“Sitting here,” he says quietly.

The darkness recedes slightly, taking with it the urge to argue with him. He’ll leave soon regardless. I’m going to be here for hours yet. Everyone has their limits, and I bet this situation will find Samson’s sooner rather than later.

There’s a gentle touch on my forehead. Rough fingers dust over my temple and then into my hair. I should be embarrassed when they get caught on the first knot. It’s matted with sweat, tears, and fuck knows what else.

I wait, numb, for him to pull back his hand in horror. But, again, he surprises me.

Clucking his tongue gently, his fingers go to work, carefully teasing out each knot.

My eyes flutter shut at the repetitive brushing against my scalp. There’s something soothing in the motion. In knowing that I’m not alone.

God, I’m so exhausted. Crying for hours on end will do that to a guy. That, and the regret that’s so thick in my throat I can barely breathe.

Just as I begin to doze off, another memory rises.

Thunderous applause almost deafens me as I take my final bow. My grin is ear to ear. Adrenaline has me feeling like I could do this all over again…which is good, seeing as we have performances every night this week.

Performances. Ones I have the lead role in, for the first time ever.

Even with the first one under my belt, I can’t quite believe it.

The curtain drops, and I scurry off into the wings. I’m greeted by a massive bouquet of red and white roses. They move to the side to reveal Adam’s grinning face. “There’s the superstar!”

I bat his arm playfully before hugging him tight. “Thank you. You didn’t need to do this.”

“You’re the leading man now,” he says, handing me the flowers. “You better get used to the spotlight, Rowan. It’s where you were born to be. And I’ll be here every night, cheering you on from the wings.”

“Breathe, baby.” Samson’s voice brings me back, his strong hand caressing my spine. “I know it’s hard, but you need to breathe.”

Right. I’m crying again. Hysterically, I might add. Because while I continued to dance in the spotlight, Adam was no longer waiting to greet me in the wings.

He won’t ever do that again.

Oh god. How am I meant to go on?

Another memory. Another shard in my heart.

“What do you think?” Adam says excitedly. “I just finished it.”

“Oh, Adam.” I approach the canvas, the art on it blurring as a sheen covers my vision. “I can’t believe you painted this.”

It’s me. On stage. Under the spotlight. Posing in an arabesque.

“It needs some finishing touches,” he says, reaching past me.

I bat his hand away with a hiss. “Fuck off. It’s perfect.”

He ruffles my hair. “You’re biased. You think everything I do is perfect.”

“No, I don’t. You’re annoying whenever you come to visit. You rarely put the toilet seat down, and you feed Nugget food from the table.”

Adam blows a raspberry. “I might be annoying, but you’d hate to not have me in your life.”

I roll my eyes teasingly. “I think I’ll be just fine.”

How wrong I’d been.