Page 149 of The Cost of Blood and Bonds

I’ve never let myself call it that. Not even in my own head. It was always something else, infatuation, attraction, a foolish crush I’d eventually outgrow. Feelings I could bury if I had to. But standing here in the dark, my whole world crumbling around me, there’s no point pretending anymore.

I love her. I’m in love with Rosie.

I know she doesn’t feel the same way. But I don’t care. I’m not worthy of anyone’s love after tonight anyway.

I knock before I can talk myself out of it.

I hear shuffling inside and a pause. Then⁠—

“Who’s there?”

“Rosie, it’s me. I need to talk to you. I’m coming in.”

I don’t wait for an answer, just push the door open.

Rosie stands in the middle of the room, still in her ball gown, eyes wide when she sees me. Surprise and panic move across her face before she quickly pulls herself back together.

“Hayes. It’s late. Maybe we should talk tomorrow⁠—”

“I just need to talk. Please.” My voice cracks. I hate how desperate I sound, but I can’t help it.

She hesitates. Her eyes flick somewhere behind her before turning back to me. I can see her weighing something I don’t understand.

“Hayes, maybe now isn’t the best time⁠—”

“Rosie, I’m—” I don’t even know how to finish that sentence.

“Okay. Okay, just…sit down. Let me get you some water.”

She moves toward the small kitchen, but her eyes keep darting nervously around the room.

I look around the house, really look.

Cold washes over me.

I’ve been here so many times. How have I never noticed it? There’s sea lavender everywhere. Sprigs of it tucked into a vase on the windowsill, some pressed between the pages of a book left open on the table, and small bundles tied with ribbon hanging. It’s everywhere.

And then it hits me. Finn twirling a sprig at the training yards. Finn plucking them from the path and tucking them into his pocket with that casual ease he has for everything. I’ve seen him do it a hundred times. I always thought it was a habit, something to play with in his hands. I never once wondered where they ended up. He was picking them for her. Every single one. And she kept them. All of them.

“Rosie.” My voice comes out hollow. “You and Finn.”

She freezes.

“It’s true, isn’t it? You’re with him.”

“Hayes, it’s complicated⁠—”

A muffled thump from the closet pulls my attention, and I’m already moving toward it.

Rosie lunges for my arm. “Hayes, wait⁠—”

“He’s here, isn’t he?” I already know before she answers. “Finn’s here right now. In your closet. While I’m—while I’m falling apart—and he’s here…”

I wrench the closet door open.

And freeze.

It’s not Finn. It’s Gem.