Page 104 of The Cost of Blood and Bonds

“Do you love him?”

The words shatter something inside me, and the grief hits so hard I can’t breathe. I’m grieving him while he’s still mine, while he’s somewhere in this room, probably looking for me, wondering where I went. I’m already mourning the loss of him, and I haven’t even left yet.

“I can’t.”

“Tides, that’s not what I asked.”

Tears slide down my cheeks that I don’t have the strength to stop.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say barely above a whisper. “I’m going to have to leave him, break him, and he’s never going to understand why.”

Finn’s jaw flexes, and he swipes the tear away with his thumb. Then pulls me back in.

“We’ll figure it out,” he murmurs. “We always do.”

I want to believe him. I want to believe there’s some version of this that doesn’t end with me walking away. Some version where I get to keep him. But I know better. The closer Ryewood gets to me, the closer he gets to everything I’m hiding. Risking myself is one thing, but I can’t risk her. There’s no version of this where we survive if I’m with him.

Finn holds me a moment longer than necessary. Then he pulls back, producing a handkerchief and presses it gently into my hands.

“Gemma—” he says softly. “I’ve got you.”

I dab at my eyes and take a shaky breath.

“How do I look?”

He tilts his head, studying me.

“Like you’ll survive the next few hours. But Gemma…you can’t be alone with him tonight, not like this.”

“Finn—”

“I mean it.” His voice is gentle but firm. “You’re hanging on by a thread. One more moment like what I saw outside, and you’re going to break. And if he’s there when that happens⁠—”

He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to. If Ryewood sees me break, he’ll want to know why. And I don’t have a lie strong enough for that.

“I’ll talk to Rosie and Grier,” Finn continues. “We’ll make sure someone’s always around. A buffer.”

“Grier.” I close my eyes, and the guilt twists because he’s another man I’m hurting. “He’s not going to like playing interference with Ryewood⁠—”

“He’ll do it.” Finn’s voice is gentle. “For you, he’ll do it. You know he will.”

I do know, and the guilt of it sits like a stone in my stomach.

“Just get through tonight. That’s all, just tonight,” he says.

I nod, not trusting my voice.

We step out of the alcove and back into the glittering crowd.

Finn squeezes my elbow, one last reassurance, and then he’s drifting away. His easy smile is back in place as he heads toward Rosie and Grier on the far side of the hall.

I watch him lean into Rosie and Grier and say something. Rosie’s eyes flick to me, and she nods. Grier’s jaw goes rigid, but he nods too. My protectors, who love me enough to carry what I can’t tonight.

“There you are.”

Ryewood’s voice washes over me, and then his warm hand is on the small of my back. I didn’t even see him approach.

“For the record, I tried to wait the full five minutes and failed spectacularly.”