Page 106 of Kill Me

“Is this a joke?” He shakes his head and manoeuvres his body until he’s balancing on one knee, ring box in hand, and he pulls it open. “I knew it the moment I laid my eyes on you, the moment I saw you in the school playground. I knew it the moment you held my hand as we read under the tree and you let me chase you through the bluebells. I knew it when I found you on that bridge about to jump into oblivion. But most of all, I knew it the moment he met you and claimed you as his.” He tilts his head towards Ted, and I’m crying. “So, Quinn Marie Burrows, will you fucking marry me?”

I squeal like the actual girl I am. “Yes, Harley Thomas Valentine, yes, I’ll fucking marry you.” I throw myself at him, and we roll back into the sand. I kiss his face over and over before he flips us and pins me into the sand. He pulls back and looks me directly in the eye. “Quinn ‘Little Magpie’ Valentine. I like the sound of that.” He swoops in for a kiss, and Ted runs around us barking his head off in celebration. I look down at the ring; it’s perfect for me. Understated, with small diamonds down either side and a bigger one on top. He turns the ring over and shows me the inside. An inscription reads Little Magpie. I swoon as he slides it onto my finger and kisses me again.

“Come on, fiancée. Let’s get you home so I can ravage the body of my future wife.”

I follow him to the car as he whoops and hollers, punching the air and screaming into the void. “I’m getting fucking married. SHE SAID YES!”

I stop for a second as I walk past the bridge and look at it in awe. A magpie flies past me, dipping over Harley’s head with another one not far behind. He watches them fly away and turns to look at me. Tears fill his eyes as he shouts, “They approve!”

He holds out his hand for me to take. “Come on, I think it’s time I finally introduced you to them in person. Flying around above us must be exhausting.”

I laugh. “I fucking love you, you know that?” I tell him.

“Never doubted it for a second, Little Magpie.” He stoops down to kiss me. The warmth spreading through me from the tingling on my lips has become one of my favourite feelings. I moan as he pulls away and slings his arm over my shoulders, leading me towards the entrance to the cemetery.

“Fancy seeing your mother while we’re here, Little Magpie?”

“Absolutely fucking not, you sadistic fuck.” We both laugh together. The darkness in our humour is perfectly intertwined. I never have to worry that I’ve overstepped the mark, or offended him. We are just the other half of each other’s soul.

Meeting Harley on that bridge was serendipity. Fate. Like a collision of both of our worlds determined to blend us into one and save us from ourselves. Like a line from a book that’s written into history forever. I know now that nothing could have separated us. We were destined to be, no matter what got in our way in the meantime.

Love. I used to think it was just an illusion. Something only the chosen few got to experience. Turns out I was one of the chosen ones.

Epilogue

Harley - One Year Later

Love Somebody – Morgan Wallen

I think I might have finally lost my goddamn mind. The last year in the run-up to the wedding has been a rough one. Between constant health issues for Quinn and being backwards and forwards to the doctors, she just can’t catch a break. So I decided to do something ‘romantic’ as a wedding gift. But it involves my dick, and trying to keep her away from it long enough for it to heal is nigh on fucking impossible. She’s like a fucking nympho where I’m concerned. She just can’t help herself.

The day is finally here. We get married today. This afternoon, to be precise, so that photos can be taken at our favourite time of day—golden hour. When the sun starts to set, and Quinn’s beauty monopolises. I haven’t seen her since last night because she decided, for once in her life, she wanted to be traditional, and I’m going out of my ever-loving mind. What do you mean I can’t touch my fiancée for a whole twenty-four hours?

I’m a grown-ass man responsible for my own choices, yet tradition dictates a ban on seeing and touching her? Misogynistic assholes. Just because they wanted to be out chucking ones at strip clubs and having a last hurrah with ladies of the night. Some of us are loyal, okay?

Fuck! I can’t wait to see her. We kept it simple, just the important people that are closest to us and, of course, our furry fucker, Ted. Minimal flowers, lots of candles and fairy lights, and cosy spaces all over the place for people to rest their weary feet from dancing, and they can pick up a book if they’d like. I’m sure I’ll find her squirreled away with her Kindle at some point.

We found a house down by the beach we usually take Ted to, big enough for us all to stay in with a garden that could host the ceremony. There’s a hotel that overlooks the bay, and when the lights are on in the evening, the glow on the beach is pure perfection. The waves lit up as they crash against the rocks will add the perfect background noise to our day. There’s even a private entrance for us to get to the beach, cut off from the public.

It’s time to get into our places. The bride is here. I’m not nervous. This is how it was always meant to be. She’s my destiny. It was written in the stars before our parents even knew of our existence, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

Quinn

The knowledge that it wasn't all in my head was somewhat freeing. Over time we have whittled out the fabrications from my mother and what remained was reality. I now have official diagnoses from a third party therapist of combined ADHD, BPD, fibromyalgia, CPTSD and chronic fatigue syndrome. The ADHD one shocked the hell out of me. Years of masking my symptoms out of fear had somewhat hidden the symptoms for it, but once I found a safe space, I no longer needed to mask. My OCD is under control, too. I feel at peace within myself. My suicidal ideation remains, but I've learnt to communicate through it and seek out the support I need. My body was fighting against me. My need to garner attention has dissipated over time. Maybe it's acceptance. Maybe it's just healing, who knows? My dad and I have worked on things for the last year, so when I asked him to walk me down the aisle with Ted, he jumped at the chance. I’ve forgiven him at this point. I’ve learnt more things than I ever thought I would and I see things from a perspective I couldn’t have two years ago.

As we walk through the doors and out into the garden, I’m greeted with the beauty before me. The view of the ocean that I couldn’t get married without, and the most important people sat before me. Bones stands at the end of the aisle, X beside him as his best man. In the front row sit Manda and Scott, my dead friend’s parents, turning to look at me, eyes full of emotion but smiles on their faces. I should feel guilty that they’re never going to experience this with their own daughter, but I did promise her I’d make sure they had me as a daughter, so consider it a promise kept.

Lulu is officiating our ceremony, and as she takes me in, she nods her head and tells Harley to turn around. His facial piercings glisten in the sun, and his suit is tailored perfectly to his body. Perfection is just not adequate enough to describe my soon-to-be husband.

The ceremony is short and sweet, and before I know it, Lulu has pulled me to one side and is shoving a gift box at me. “I wasn’t sure whether to even give this to you. I know we never discussed the details, and you probably won’t even want it. But I had a blast making this, and I feel like it belongs on display somewhere. Even if it’s just so that you know.”

“So that I know what?” I eye her curiously.

“Just open the box,” she says, bouncing on her toes.

I undo the ribbon and lift the lid up, and I laugh so loud that people start staring. “Lulu, you’re the definition of epic.”

She curtseys, but before she walks away and leaves me in the moment, she says, “He deserved everything I did to him, Quinny. This isn’t to remind you of your pain. It’s to celebrate your growth.” I smile at her and nod my head.