Page 51 of The Seashell of ’Ohana

He shook his head. “It’s just that … I don’t know …”

“I promise you won’t hurt my feelings. Remember, I can’t read your mind, Ty. We have to work things through.”

As my thoughts went in a hundred different directions, I remained patient. It wasn’t about his schoolwork. He excelled in all of his subjects. I tried to think of any new changes lately, but came up empty. Ian?

He sat up and faced me, the strain on his forehead easing. “We talked about this before, but I don’t remember Dad much. I see his picture every day in my room, but it’s just a photo. I sort of remember him playing ball with me, but that’s all.”

I caressed his hair again. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You were so young. That’s why I put a picture of your father in your room—so you wouldn’t forget him.”

Like how I had almost forgotten what Steve smelled like. I understood his frustration, but Tyler’s situation was understandable. Inevitable, really. But for me? Unforgivable. Over time, I might forget more about my husband. And this frightened me.

He lowered his gaze to his fingers, gripping the blanket. “There’s going to be a father and son miniature golfing event at our school.” He bobbed his shoulders. “I guess I can’t go.”

I smoothed my hand over the covers, repeating the action as I thought. Did he want me to console him? I started and discarded several beginnings.

“Can a mother go instead of a father?” I finally said.

He met my gaze and shrugged. “I don’t know, but that would be weird.”

I didn’t think so, but Tyler liked to stick to the rules. He was so by-the-book, like me in that sense. Surely if I spoke to his teacher or the event coordinator, they would make exceptions. But Tyler might get mad at me for asking.

“How about if I ask Lee to take you?” I didn’t want to put Lee in an awkward situation, but he would say yes in a heartbeat. Tyler had practically become his nephew, and would be when Lee proposed to Kate.

Tyler pushed his leg out and touched my toes with his foot. When he was little, he used to compare his feet to mine. He always giggled when I told him that his feet would be bigger one day. When that day came, I knew I’d cry.

Tyler looked pensive, his nose scrunching. “Is Ian going to be my dad?”

Surprised by his question, I hesitated. “No. What gave you that idea?”

But I knew. I had seen Tyler’s face when Ian and I walked in from the beach, smiling and soaked head to toe. Tyler had seen Ian kiss my cheek, and he might have even picked up on the other adults’ teasing.

He flopped onto his back. “Ian picked me up when you were sick, and we see him a lot. He’s nice to me, and I like him. Can we ask him to take me to the father and son event?”

Ian was the first man besides Lee to be welcomed into my home. Tyler was getting the wrong idea. This was the reason I had to be careful.

“Ty.” I took his hand in mine. “Ian is my friend. And I don’t think it’s a good idea if we ask him to take you.”

“Why?” He blinked, his voice soft.

Just when I’d thought the dagger couldn’t cut any deeper, he looked at me with those innocent, sorrowful eyes.

“Because he’s not your father.” It took effort to calm my nerves. The anger surprised me—not at my son, but at the world and the unfairness of life.

Sure, other kids had it worse, and we had plenty of blessings, but no mother liked seeing their child hurt. We had our health and each other, but that wasn’t always enough for a kid wanting his father.

He scowled at the ceiling, then his frown cleared as he slid off the bed. “I’m going to go to bed now. I’m tired.”

“Do you want to talk more about it?”

“Nah.” He dipped his head. “I just won’t go. All my friends know I don’t have a father, anyway.”

And just like that, he was willing to let it go. Troubles were out the door. Tyler was flexible and easygoing, but he still looked unhappy. Perhaps I was reading too much into it. I wanted to protect him, protect his heart. I wanted him to be happy.

“Ty …” I scooted to the edge of the bed, holding back tears. “I’m very proud of you for being strong and for understanding. I know you wish you had a father like all your friends, but life isn’t the same for everyone. I told you that many times, remember?”

“Yeah. Lee told me that just because I don’t have a father doesn’t mean I’m different than anyone else. An uncle or a friend can be a role model, too. Lee said he would always be there for me if I needed someone else besides you or Auntie Kate.”

Oh, Lee. Bless his heart.