Page 22 of Icy Pour

Shit. Don’t get ahead of yourself, Johnny. This is new, and you don’t even know if he’s fully into it.

I blink, trying to clear my mind and focus on the one thing I do know—he’s lying here, in my arms, the most relaxed I’ve seen him. This big, grumpy, grizzly bear of a man is lying on my chest with an arm squeezed around my middle like he’s never letting go.

I don’t want him to.

“What do you like to do in your free time?” he asks, his voice deep and quiet.

I bite my lip, trying to stop my entire chest from shaking at the adorable question. “Is that your attempt at small talk?”

He lightly pokes my chest. “I realized outside of talking about the bar and sharing customers’ stories, I don’t really know too much about you. Other than what you told me. Just didn’t know what you liked to do for fun.”

God, he’s sweet. You’d never know it from the outside, but this man is like one of those sour cherry ball candies. He’s tough as hell on the outside, but once you crack through the exterior, it’s soft and chewy in the middle. Not to mention his mood swings from sweet to sour at the drop of a hat. I rub my fingers across his arm in slow circles. But this sweet side? It stirs something in me. Something I don’t dare put a name to.

“Well…so far you’re the most fun I’ve had in Milwaukee.”

He laughs. “I don’t think anyone’s ever called me fun before.”

“I believe that,” I snicker, earning another poke in my side. “I like sports. You can’t grow up in Alabama and not like football. Then I moved here, and there’s no big team in town. I was bummed. But some folks at my old job invited me to go to a Steel Riders game, and that’s when I got hooked on my latest obsession.”

“Hockey? I’ve never been to a game.”

“What?! It’s a fun time. Watching how fast they skate, seeing a bunch of grown men slap their sticks around a puck, then slam each other into the wall? Damn if it doesn’t get me a little worked up.”

Walt snorts. “That’s all it takes to get you worked up, huh?”

“Among other things.” I pull him closer. “There’s a game tomorrow. We should go.”

His body tenses against mine, his fingers trembling on my chest.

“Hey, hey, hey…what’s wrong?”

His gaze hits mine, his eyes impossibly open, before falling back to my chest. “I…I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

I suck in a sharp breath, my entire body stiff. “Ready for what?”

“Ready to…to be out with someone i-in public.”

And there it is. All the guilt, shame, and frustration punch my gut harder than that night outside the club. But the way he’s trembling in my arms pushes me past it, sensation slowly leeching back into my limbs.

I may not have been able to protect myself, but if it’s the last thing I do in my life, I swear to god I’ll help him.

“Walt. We’re not going to the prom. Men go to hockey games all the time as friends, buddies, amigos. We don’t have to, but…if you want to go sometime, I promise not to kiss ya in front of the entire arena.”

“I know. I know. I just…this is all so...”

“Come here,” I coax, helping him move closer to me. I place a gentle kiss on his lips before dropping my forehead against his. “I know we’re in different places right now. I’ve been out for a while. You probably guessed it, but that’s why my family disowned me. Being myself, it…it cost me a lot. Have you ever thought about telling people? Being open?”

He shrugs. “Maybe. Someday. I don’t know. I’m not strong like you are, Johnny.”

His self-doubt tugs at something familiar in my chest—something I’ve felt before. “Look at these guns hanging off your shoulders! You’re stronger than you think. You opened a bar. You invited a near stranger to work at it, then you brought him up to your bed. You gave yourself space to explore and finally be yourself. You think that’s not strong?”

His eyes flutter closed. “This is all in private. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to be open about who I am.”

I grip his chin, rubbing my thumb against the stubble. “There’s no rush. You took some big steps tonight, and I am so proud of you. But you have to fully accept your truth before you can share it with the world. You have to take what the world has made you feel ashamed of and accept that everything they believe is bullshit. I can teach you a lot of things…but only you can take that step. And…whenever the time comes, I’m here to hold your hand.”

“You will?” His voice is impossibly quiet.

“Always.”