Page 60 of Flashback for the Forward

He tossed a plastic spring across the room, and Cinder leapt out of my arms to chase it.

Together, we watched the cat play in silence, and after a while, Cole said, “I’m really glad you’re staying.”

Me too.

“Hello, Bridget, how are you today?” Dr. Marshall asked through my phone screen.

“Good,” I answered honestly. “I got in a workout earlier, and while my muscles are sore, it always helps to clear my mind.”

Dr. Marshall was good at schooling her features—something I’d noticed during the past couple of weeks—but I could tell she was pleased when she said, “Exercise has been proven to aid in trauma recovery. I’m glad to hear it’s become part of your routine.”

“If it weren’t for Cole, I probably would have quit after the first session.” I let out a laugh. “When he saw I was struggling, he busted out a sticker chart, and damn if I didn’t want to earn those gold stars for completing each activity listed on my exercise plan.”

My therapist folded her hands atop her desk. “If it’s all right with you, I’d like to use today’s session to talk about Cole.”

I cocked my head to the side. “What about him?”

“How has it been living with someone you once shared a deep emotional connection with?”

Shrugging, I replied, “It’s been fine. I guess.”

“You guess?”

Repeating my answer as a question was her way of probing, asking me to elaborate more.

“He’s been an incredible support. He makes sure I have everything I need.”

“But?” Dr. Marshall prompted, knowing there was more I wasn’t saying.

I sighed. “But being here has stirred up a lot of stuff from the past.”

“Like what?”

“Like how neither of us knew my brother was aware of what we thought was a secret relationship. If only he’d told us, everything would have turned out so differently.”

“What’s one of the biggest things we talk about?” she asked.

“We can’t control others’ actions, only our own,” I recited the mantra that I had to be reminded of at least once per session. “I just wish he was still here, so I could ask him why.”

“Since he’s not, why don’t we focus on how you felt when you learned that information?”

My eyes slid closed, and I shook my head. “Shocked, relieved, angry.”

“Why angry?”

Lifting my gaze to meet hers through the screen, I said, “Because his silence cost me Cole.”

“Are there still feelings there?”

I nodded. “He’s the love of my life.”

“I see. And are you hoping to reconnect?”

“I don’t know. One part of me wonders if we missed our chance. Another feels like we have unfinished business.”

Dr. Marshall maintained her calm neutrality. “Which voice is louder?”

I chewed on that for a minute, and the answer became clear. “The one that says we have unfinished business.”