Page 43 of Falling

That was at least circling the galaxy of the reason I’d made this call in the first place. I was getting there.

Joel laughed. I’d always loved the way he laughed, a deep rumbling sound that you couldn’t help joining in with.

That reminded me of someone, too.

“Never,” he said.

“So you’re happy?”

This was good. I was practically in the same solar system as my actual point. Soon enough, I’d be orbiting it.

“I’m happy,” Joel said. I could hear that he was in the warmth of his voice. Really, truly happy. Not that he’d ever been miserable, but in the few photos I’d happened to see of him on Evie’s Instagram with Dan, I could see the way he lit up. I’d never seen him light up like that before.

I knew in my heart that he really was happy. That what I wanted to say wouldn’t change that.

“Good,” I said, and then blurted out, “I think I’ve met someone.”

Another surprised silence reigned for a heartbeat or two. Then Joel took a long, slow breath. “Wow. So this someone…”

“You can’t tell Evie,” I said with a spike of alarm. I wasn’t ready to talk to her about this. She wouldn’t mean to hurt me, but I wasn’t ready to be teased the way I knew she would. “Swear to me.”

I probably should have made him swear before I’d told him, but I trusted Joel. I would’ve trusted him with my life without a second thought. I had done, more times than I probably realized. He’d keep my secret.

“Sure,” he said easily. “Why?”

I sighed.

This was not how I’d wanted this conversation to go.

“This wasn’t how I imagined this conversation would go,” I said aloud. “It’s… that’s not… I’m sorry for avoiding you,” I said instead.

“Avoiding me?” Joel asked. He was a terrible liar and it didn’t sound at all like a sincere question, but I appreciated the attempt.

“It wasn’t about you. I… you know I love you, right? You’re one of the best people in my life. I just… this isn’t an excuse, okay?”

“Okay, but I don’t need an apology,” Joel said. “Or an explanation. If you say it was you, I’m fine with that. I’m just… glad to hear from you again. I did wonder if it was me.”

“It wasn’t,” I said. It never had been. Not at all. “It… can I explain myself, anyway? I think… I think I need some advice and I only have so many people to talk to about this.”

“You can tell me anything,” Joel said. “And I’ll never repeat it to a soul.”

How was I supposed to say this?

Maybe the best way was like ripping off a Band-Aid. Quick and all at once.

“That kiss, at New Years…”

I paused to think of what I wanted to say next.

So much for doing it all at once, like a Band-Aid.

“It…”

“Changed your life?” Joel teased.

I swallowed.

“I think it might have?”