Page 17 of Summer Storms

“Very different from the boy I remember,” she agreed, hoping the subject would end there.

But of course, that wasn’t about to happen. Will was too busy playing the part of the older brother, and she knew how much he relished it. “Zek seems to be quite taken with you,” he said bluntly. “We have all noticed, so don’t bother denying it.”

“Then you have noticed more than I.” What a lie!

Will shook his head. “You may be a gifted actress, but I can still read you like a book when you fib.”

Christine widened her eyes, all innocence.

Will sighed. “Christine... All I’m saying is I think Zek an admirable man. He is doing his best to help the people of Barton Lacey, which is very generous of him considering how he and his family were treated.”

“As I recall, he was treated very well by the Starlings,” she retorted.

“Yes, but only once a year. And let’s not pretend you ever tried to make him feel welcome. Yet he doesn’t appear to bear any grudges. I think him a genuinely decent man.”

Christine sighed, giving up the game. “I think he is, too, Will.”

“But that doesn’t mean you should hand him your heart.”

Her eyes popped. “Hand him my...?” she spluttered.

“I have seen the way you look at each other. All your life, you have wanted to be on the stage. And now you have the chance to be genuinely famous. Would you really risk that for Zek Nash? I’m sure if I had asked you that ten years ago, you would have laughed in my face. And his!”

“Can’t I have both?” she said.

Will ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “You know the way of the world. It would be a special man indeed who allowed his wife to carry on with her career instead of running his home. Is Zek that man?”

Christine didn’t know. But also Will didn’t understand how she had been feeling lately. There was more to her confused feelings than just Zek, after all.

“Will,” she began seriously, “can I ask you a question? Am I really a part of this family?” Before he could protest, she raised a hand. “I know I am; of course I am. I am my parents’ daughter and your sister. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is, sometimes I feel as if I don’t fit in, and never have. The rest of you all know each other so well and spend so much time together. Because I’ve been in my own world, I feel as though I have become the outsider, watching your lives through a windowpane, but no longer part of it. I’d never noticed it until recently, and now that I have it—it hurts.”

Will’s blue eyes widened in amazement. “How can you think that, Christine? We’re all so very proud of you!”

She didn’t want to hurt him, but she needed him to understand. “You may be proud of me, but would any of you call for me if you were in trouble? Would I be the first name you would think of to go to for help in a desperate situation?”

Will seemed to flounder at that. She could see him grasping the truth of what she was saying.

“There, you see!”

“Christine...” he groaned.

“No, I understand. I haven’t been here and I haven’t cared as much as I should have. I just... I suppose I am selfish enough to want everything.”

Will considered this. “Not even Her Majesty the Queen can have everything. Did you know I thought about sailing to America when I was young? Instead of taking over Starling Hall and stepping into my place here, I considered leaving you all behind and making a new life in a new country.”

She stared, speechless. That was very difficult to believe. “Will, I can’t imagine you anywhere else but here,” she said at last. “You are so suited to being Sir Will Starling of Starling Hall. But I think that even if you had travelled far away, you would have come back again. You would have realised what a mistake you were making.”

He grinned at her. “Perhaps,” he admitted. “I might have been on the very next boat back. But in my case, I wasn’t running towards something, I was running away.”

“Running away?”

Will nodded. “There was a time when I doubted I could manage this place. Then I told myself to stop worrying and to get on with it. So I did. I think perhaps you are worrying now in a similar fashion, second guessing yourself and wondering whether you have made the right choices. Only you can answer those questions, Christine, but you know we will support you. Whatever you want to do or decide to do, we will be cheering you on.”

Christine reached out and gave him a hug. Will hugged her back, his body warm and comforting and so familiar. She loved all of her family, but as the eldest Will had always seemed a little distant to her. Now she realised how dependable he was. How sensible.

A little voice called out behind them. Will’s daughter, Phyllis, was at the door, toddling toward them. Her brother laughed and went to swing the child up into his arms.

“You should be in bed,” he mock-scolded. “Come on.” With a glance at Christine, he added, “Auntie Christine is going to tuck you in!”