Page 97 of Wed to the Orc Captive

“No.” No, I wished he would stop speaking, and I wished he would never stop.

“I don’t understand, Annora. Can you help me understand? We just had a wedding. We’re in the place we’re supposed to seal our vows, and you’re shaking.”

“Is this—" I breathed. “Does this mean nothing to you?”

He recoiled. “What?”

“Is this…is this just sex, too? Just comfort?”

He closed his eyes, breathed.

“I need to know, where I stand,” I got out. “Because you were pushing me away, a fortnight ago. When we kissed, at the pool⁠—"

“I wasn’t pushing you away.”

“You were holding back. You let me kiss you, but you…you argued with me⁠—"

He lowered himself beside the bed, took a knee. “I’m as stubborn as an ass, Nora. You’re going to have a rough life if you think I don’t love you every time we argue.”

“You can’t use that as an excuse not to tell me what’s going on!”

“We just had a wedding. What do you think is going on?” He caught my hands in his. Frustration hissed through his teeth. “You married me and started shaking; that’s what’s going on.”

“I know that!” my voice squeaked, rasped. I was losing my hold. “What do you want?”

“I want to know why my wife is shaking.”

“No. What do you want…with marrying me?”

The sound he made was like a scoff. “Are you trying to start another fight, barbarian? Because I’ll let you finish it.” And then, before I could react, he brought my palm up to kiss.

“There, that.” I wanted to scream. “What has changed? Don’t do this. Don’t…” I cracked, again. My voice, my heart, all of me was cracking. “Please. So I know not to hope if I shouldn’t. So I don’t think you’re in earnest. Because if you’re not…”

He sunk onto his knees in front of me, his eyes even with mine. My hands were swallowed up in his. “I’m serious,” he said. “I’ve never been so serious.”

I was shaking my head. “I can’t…I can’t play with this, Vrathgar. I’ll fall for you. I’ve fallen for you over and over, while I fought myself not to, while I called you my enemy, while I told myself you loved someone else. I need you…to tell me this isn’t real.” My breath hitched. “Because I agreed to marry you, and I did, but I need to remember that it isn’t real. While I’m in your bed⁠—"

“We’ve done this backwards,” he said, and it was enough of a jolt to stop my tongue. “This kind of conversation,” he grimaced, “is supposed to come before vows. And the vows are supposed to come before the sex. And I’ve done this backwards, and you’re hurt again.” There was no irritation, no accusation in his voice. “What do you want to know? So you feel safe.”

My mind scrambled. “...are you trying to stay married to me?”

He didn’t wince. “Yes.”

“This isn’t…this isn’t something temporary, to protect your reputation?”

“No,” he said, and my ears started roaring as he said, “the only reason I’ve kept that intact is because you seemed to like it here. I wanted to make it easier for you, if you got to stay.”

“Is that why you didn’t kill anyone?”

His eyes didn’t waver. “Yes.”

I was trembling again. My body was responding like this was an emergency. Was that because I didn’t want to be taken by him? Why was I shaking? Why was I afraid? “When did you decide? That you wanted me?”

“That I wanted you?” His eyebrows rose. “When you locked eyes with me in that cell. But wanting something is not having it. I’ve wanted revenge. I’ve wanted wings, Nora.” He didn’t smile. “You want to know when I decided I could dare to keep you.”

Fine.

“When you told me in the waters, that you wanted me. I thought, ‘Who am I to say no to a miracle?’” He shook his head. “‘Who am I to take away something she wants, when everything I am wants her?’” He was still holding my hand, and he pressed it to his lips again. “You’re the learned one of us, barbarian, with your plants and your medicine and your songs. And I’d been treating you like…like a youngling. Like someone I had to protect from your choices.” He grimaced. “You haven’t only seen the best of me. Maybe you’ve seen some of the worst. You’re wise enough to know your mind. If that’s wanting me…I want to make sure you have everything you want.”