Page 89 of Wed to the Orc Captive

That strangled a laugh out of me.

He kept going, “There are bonds that people hold onto, and we…or is this about virginity?” He just kept speaking. “Because you’re beautiful, Annora, you’ll find someone who knows you’re worth more than that, even among humans they wouldn't be that blind⁠—"

“This is not about sex!” I felt like such an idiot, and he was staring at me, just… “I want to be your wife. I do want to be the person you take to your bed. I want to be someone you don’t avoid looking at. I want you, and I don’t know why that’s difficult to believe, when you’re kind and you’re good and you’re smart except for this, and everyone sees that you’re someone who’s trustworthy and desirable except you. Flipping Tyralk sees it and you call him a baby for it, but you don’t let them want you as a friend and you don’t let me want you as…” I ran out of air. Maybe I couldn’t breathe. Maybe this was the stupidest way to die, dying of crying while naked in the water with an orc.

He was shaking his head. “If this about taking care of you when you’re hurt, that’s normal, Annora, anyone would⁠—"

“Stop. Please.” I was gasping, trying to fight through, to make my voice something that could be understood. Maybe anger was the piece that let me get breath. “Saints, Vrathgar, please, let me be in love with you! I can’t help it. I’ve been falling for you since that curse-ed cell.” I hugged the blanket around myself. “You said you’d chosen me. Let me choose you back.”

He was motionless. The water lapped around his ribs. “I don’t mean to take anything away from you,” he said. “That wasn’t my intention.” He pulled back a step, the ripples washing against my shoulders where I perched, balanced on my toes out in the deep, broken and breaking. “I…give me a moment.” He raked his fingers through his hair. I was grateful for the lamplight reflecting on the surface of the pool, for everything the water hid. I was grateful for the golden shine off his arms and his shoulders, the water in his hair and down his face. “What would it look like?” His jaw worked. “Letting you…us, trying?”

“We tried before. Before I killed…” I floundered. “Before the men who wanted to hurt you.”

“They wanted to hurt both of us.” He watched me, so cautious, his eyes so cold.

“But we were…we were figuring it out, and then they came, and I…and we…”

“Did you think I stopped wanting to be married to you because you killed for me?”

I had never put it into those words. Maybe I’d only felt it, in my gut, somewhere, that that was where it all went wrong.

“Nora, that’s when I found out you were afraid. That’s when I found out you were sleeping with me to keep yourself safe.”

It sounded bad, said out loud. “...oh,” I whispered, just “oh,” like an idiot.

“I’d always thought I’d be safe from that mistake, yeah? That I could tell when a woman wanted me. But I never thought to ask if I was wanted for the wrong reasons.”

This was definitely a conversation that would have been better to have with more clothing on, but at least in the water I could stand to face him. At least I wasn’t lying on the ground. “I…” My voice squeaked, and I tried again. “I don’t know how to fix this. I can’t…undo how stupid I've been. I can’t…I can’t fix that you were hurt.”

He was still looking away. “I can’t fix how I hurt you, either.”

“I don’t know how to fix it.” I sounded so small, so pleading. “Can you tell me how to fix it?”

“I don’t know,” his voice rasped. “Can you tell me how to fix you?”

The tears burned on my face. “You’ve been taking care of me every day. I have no way to take care of you.”

He shook his head, eyes still elsewhere. “Taking care of me is not your job.”

“But I want it to be.”

“Hah.” He was quiet a moment. His features flickered harsh in the deep shadow, and his lips wavered, the lips I knew had been soft against mine. “Maybe we fix things the same way,” he was husky. “We take time, and we look out for each other. Maybe things just…heal when they heal.”

I gathered my breath. “You said I could ask you for something,” I wavered. “When we got married. You said…I could ask one thing.”

His throat moved as he swallowed. “What do you want to ask me for?”

“Let me kiss you.”

He looked at me.

I stepped closer, out away from the edge. He stayed motionless in the water.

“Please,” I whispered.

He didn’t move. “This is a terrible idea.”

My mouth was dry. “What happened to not telling a woman what she wants?” I had chosen bravery, but I wasn’t brave. Everything in me screamed to hide. But if there was a shred of him that wanted me, I needed to try. We were almost touching now, and to kiss him I’d have to rise out of the water, but I was already on my toes. I could hold onto his shoulders, but… “Can you lean down a little?” I whispered. “You’re very tall.”