Page 80 of Wed to the Orc Captive

“Your burdens are my burdens,” he said, gruff. “Until you choose to leave.”

I didn’t want to tell him that that was not a fair promise, because so much of me was selfish. What if I stayed? What if I was more trouble than he imagined?

“Do you want anything else?” He asked, his voice still quiet, tight. “You can wake me later, if you need to. I don’t sleep deeply.”

I knew how lightly he slept. “Just…” Maybe I was allowed to be foolish, while everything ached, while it hurt so much I couldn’t care what I looked like anymore. “Could you hold my hand? Just for a bit.”

I heard his voice catch, in the dark, and I thought he was going to laugh at me, but he didn’t. “Yeah,” he said. “I can do that.”

His palm was warm against mine, the callouses smooth from practice. I felt my foolish heart steady, and slow, felt my world narrow down, like part of the pain was shoved outside the circle that was me.

“Thank you,” I mumbled. I didn’t say more. I’d done a lot of crying in front of him. I wouldn’t do more.

He sounded gruff. “You’re welcome.”

The night was long. Days and nights blurred together. In Grezha’s hut, in Zhana’s backroom, carried back to his barren home in the side of that tree to a new-built bed. And all was pain and the space between pain, quiet voices and reaching out to touch the warmth in the dark, his hand grasping mine. And then, like everything I could come to rely on, it ended.

THE CIRCLE

Iwrapped my arms around his neck, a comfort and a humiliation I was getting used to, and his arms pulled me up to glue me to him. I intook breath, a habit of freezing, but I’d gone limp on the way up, and the pain was bearable here, my feet on the ground. He stayed, waiting to see if I was ready to let go of him.

“I think I’m okay,” I whispered.

His hands stayed on my back. Our thighs brushed. I had gotten too used to touching him. There was no other way to rise to stand. “That’s…good.” He let me go.

“If you could turn around.” He did.

Changing clothes had been a nightmare, but it was getting easier. Grezha said I’d injured something at the base of my spine, but it no longer felt like broken glass. I should be grateful. I could walk. I was walking again.

I tilted the water jar, got enough to splash over my face.

“You don’t have to come with me.” His back was stiff.

“I’m not leaving you to do this alone.” A clean shift was hung where I could reach it without bending.

“They won’t let you speak.” That current of anger still ran raw under his voice, but it wasn’t at me.

“They can muzzle me out of their circle as they wish, but they cannot hide me in a corner. I won’t let them pretend I don’t exist.” I maneuvered the shift up above my head.

“They will remember you exist.” It sounded like an oath.

I started to correct my posture, and something like knives stabbed into my back. I gasped. “Vrathgar⁠—"

He whipped around, like he was ready to fight. “If you need⁠—"

I clapped my arms around myself. “Turn around, please.”

He turned. The back of his neck was darkened. “Sorry.” His fist clenched at his side. “I thought…you needed something.”

I’d dropped the shift. “I dropped…my dress. If you could…”

“Of course.” He moved backwards, scooped it up off the ground to hold out, his gaze still forward.

“Thank you.” I managed to dress myself without further humiliation. The back of his neck stayed stained rust.

For someone who’d practically promised to get out of his life, I’d done a terrible job of leaving.

“After this, the trial, they won’t hurt you, right?” I braided my hair haphazardly, so stiff. “So I could leave, if we were ready.”