Page 63 of The Marriage

Sylvia cleared her throat, muttering, “I’m sure she was delighted to see you, and I’m very happy that you were able to put aside your differences. Hopefully, that’ll help us here as well. However, Mr. Avdonin, you are going to have to leave again, and I sincerely hope that ... well, last night ... hasn’t taken us too many steps back in her recovery process.”

He knew she had a point.

They hadn’t had much of a chance to talk last night. Karine had fallen asleep in his arms after letting him lavish her with all the attention and affection she craved from him for as long as he could keep his eyes open. Only after she closed hers did he allowed himself to drift away, too.

It was the first night in over a week since he relapsed—that he hadn’t used just to stay awake, and was able to sleep. It was like his mind had been running on full gear and top speed, and Karine had a slowing effect on it. She made him push down the brakes, and his spinning mind came to a screeching halt.

Before he came here he wasn’t sure if he’d want a line, or if his hands would start to shake come morning. He didn’t want her to see him like that, but so far, he’d managed without a single craving clawing at his back.

Maybe that was it ...

That’s what he needed.

She was the drug he missed.

“I won’t leave this place until she’s calm. She won’t be back where we started,” he replied.

Sylvia appeared to be ready to argue, but she took one look at him and relented nonetheless, only nodding in silent reply. Frankly, she could only ask for so much. He couldn’t offer anything different than he did. Their hands were both tied.

“How has she been? The last time we spoke, you said she was resisting all help.”

That brought a smile to Sylvia’s face.

“I’m happy to say that has at least started to change—she’s made what I would consider to be immense progress in regard to just being here. Thankfully, she did only need time. I’m sure seeing you is going to have a huge positive impact as well. I see great potential for recovery in her.”

Roman’s heart dared to feel a little lighter at the thought. Drawn to even simply staring at his wife, he did just that. She was so tender and delicate with her work as she crouched in the soil on her knees. Her hair fell around her shoulders, and she worked with her gardening gloves on, inspecting each bulb before she put it into the ground.

He wanted to see her working in their garden. A big, beautiful blossoming garden where she had planted and flowered every bed herself. Adjacent to their warm home filled with children.

It took him a second.

The image ripped away his breath.

He bet she would make an amazing mother—the kindest and most caring. He wanted her to be the mother of his children; to see their little faces and find his wife’s familiar features staring back.

“Has she had any ... episodes?” he asked.

“There were a few times when I thought she came close ... I think the lack of medicinal cocktail and time away from her most stressful triggers has allowed her a bit of clarity and control of her disorder. I would have liked to speak to the others if I could, but I won’t say it’s a bad thing if she can halt them from coming forward for now.”

“So ... does that mean she’s oka—”

Sylvia shook her head. “It’s not about that. What’s okay for one person is someone else’s beginning, Roman. I’m afraid this condition is not as simple as that. Mental health rarely is. This is going to be a lifelong struggle, but with time and therapy, she will learn to keep her alters in check. They may even eventually merge into one. Merge into her. It takes time, and none of this might happen at all, too. You just never know.”

Roman continued staring at Karine. He was back to thinking about their house again and what a life with her was going to look like—how the very picture of it make his heart beat harder. Would the professionals tell him to keep her from being alone with their children even though he couldn’t imagine doing something like that to her?

That was far away, sure, but ... it was on his mind, all the same.

“As much of a struggle as it will be for her, you should be prepared for what that will mean for you, too,” Sylvia said.

“All I want is her,” Roman returned. “The rest is details, and I don’t care much for those.”

“Then that’s all she needs.”

He turned to the therapist who was smiling again.

“I have never wanted a normal life,” he said with a chuckle. “Or a boring marriage, for what it matters. She challenges me. Keeps me on my toes, and reminds me every day that she needs me, that I have to strive to be a better person. I can’t fuck this up for her. Is that messed up? That I need her more than she needs me.”

“No, it’s not. It’s just a little co-dependent, is all. It could also be that you are both incredibly lucky to have found each other. I’m not here to judge the whys, Mr. Avdonin. Only figure them out, lay it bare, and let you do what you wish with it. Keep that in mind.”