Page 82 of Essence of Fear

Simple as that.

Pav scratched at the side of his neck with one finger and eyed her at the same time. “Do you want me to order you food from that place you like again?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go down to the restaurant—”

“Nyet.”

“Hard no,” he replied, amused.

Viktoria passed him a look that would have burned a weaker man, surely. He kind of adored that about her. Even if she was trying to soften her attitude and the delivery of her words when it would be easier for her to be sharp and cutting, she was still the same underneath it all.

The difference was where others couldn’t handle this woman at her worst, Pav welcomed it. He enjoyed this side of her as much as he liked her soft, sweet, and kind. They were parts of the same woman, after all. He didn’t think it was fair for him to like one part, but not the others.

“I want to go do something,” Viktoria said. “Away from this hotel room. We’ve been in here for four days now. I can’t leave this place and it’s driving me insane.”

Pav chuckled.

“Did you just laugh at me?”

“I did,” he replied simply. “Because you’re like a caged animal. You’d think you never had to sit and wait for something to happen before.”

“Pav—”

“You remind me of the men when they first wake up in the chambers, yeah?”

Viktoria stilled, all that movement and jitteriness of hers coming to a stop at once. He wasn’t looking at her then, instead he watched the clock on the wall tick down seconds. He could still feel the way her gaze landed on him in that moment.

It felt like curiosity. And concern.

“Do I?” she asked.

Pav nodded. “Most of them don’t know where they are because they never knew the chambers even existed underneath the Compound. Those are probably the worst because they’re waiting for something, but they don’t know what. If I hadn’t been ordered to go in on them right after they woke up, I would have to watch them pace, climb the walls, and drive themselves crazy in the darkness.”

“And what about the ones who did know where they were when they woke up?”

Ah.

Smart woman.

Pav shrugged one shoulder. “Constantly on edge—also waiting, but they knew what they were waiting for. Some were violent and others tried to end their suffering before it could really get started. It was never a good experience.”

“How long—”

“Since I was twelve,” he murmured, looking back at her again. He didn’t actually need her to finish her sentence to know what she was asking him. How old were you? How long were you down there doing that? “Although, at first, I had people who helped, if that’s what you want to call it. Vadim called it training.”

“That’s … awful.”

“I suppose.”

Pav felt, in a way, that he didn’t know any other way to live. He was learning now, and he’d had a period in his life where he’d been free of the chambers, broken men, and darkness. Then, he’d been just young Pavel, and now he was Pav who some still whispered Zhatka for when he walked past them. He’d forgotten a lot about who Pavel was, and he hadn’t been given enough time as this person to know much about him, either.

But he wanted to learn.

Didn’t that count for something?

The silence between the two of them stretched on, and Pav’s own restlessness grew with each passing second. There’d been a part of him that had been itching to go back to a place he’d come from—a place his father had always cared for, and had looked after time and time again. He had been allowed to go back a couple of times as he’d grown older, but someone was always with him to make sure he never stepped out of line.