Page 82 of Cara & Gian: The Guzzi Duet

She couldn’t help but notice how tired he sounded. Not sleep-tired, but a fuck-this-world kind of tired. It was so unlike her brother. He was laidback, cool, calm, and collected. Always.

Cara had never known Tommas to be anything else.

“Are you sure nothing is wrong?” Tommas asked, when Cara stayed silent.

“Nothing serious.”

“All right. Ask me your question again, but make more sense this time.”

“How do you care and attach yourself to people who feel like their existence in your life is not guaranteed, but more temporary than you’re willing to admit. Like tomorrow, someone gets pissed off or offended and suddenly, you’re burying your sister … or someone else you love.”

Tommas sighed. “That’s a heavy question for someone who didn’t even thank me for wishing her a happy birthday a month ago.”

“Thank you for the birthday wishes, Tommy.”

He grunted under his breath. “I don’t think about it—that’s how I deal. And I protect those people as best I can, I do whatever I need to do so that my choices and my actions don’t inadvertently hurt them or take them away from me.”

“Huh.”

“Sometimes I fail, too,” Tommas added, a sadness creeping into his tone. “And that kills me, but it’s unavoidable.”

“Yeah, but …”

“What, Cara?”

“What about people like me?”

“I do that for you, too. Why do you think you’re still in Toronto, huh? Not here, in Chicago, advancing my stupid ass in this fucking family or something?”

“I meant, what about women like me—how do I deal with it? I can’t manage it the same way you do, I’m not like you, Tommy.”

“That’s not an easy answer, Cara.”

“Try me. Give me something.”

“Why are you even asking this shit?”

“I need to know how to deal,” she said sharply, offering little else.

“I only know what I see around me,” Tommas replied quietly. “Or rather, the women around me. My cousin’s wife, or the women in my family. My friends’ wives, or famiglia daughters that bury their parents with dry faces and shaking hands. They’re strength, Cara. They are the picture and embodiment of strength all around me. They handle their shit far better than any of us men ever could. They cook dinner, wipe children’s faces, do what they have to do, and they smile when faced with their fears. I don’t know how they do it, because I am too busy trying to keep allowing them the chance to cook their dinners, love their messy-faced children, and have no fears, all the while. Do you understand?”

“But you’re part of the reason they’re in that sort of life, Tommas.”

“And all we made men do is make the best of what we know, Cara. Nothing more, nothing less.”

She took the time to absorb her brother’s words.

Tommas always gave it to her straight, after all.

He didn’t pretty shit up.

“Oh, there’s something else you need to know,” Tommas said tiredly.

“What’s that?”

“Serena’s body was found this morning by the maid. Suicide, apparently.”

Cara wished she was surprised to learn the news of her mother’s death.