Page 36 of Cross + Catherine: The Companion

The Fear

Catrina POV

Catrina hated hospitals, and yet the cold, sterile buildings had given her some of the happiest moments of her life. Lives saved, and new births. Moments of relief, or of calm and peace. Moments that stuck to the back of her mind forever like caramel—sticky and sweet.

It didn’t matter, though.

Those memories were not enough to quell the coldness that slipped down her spine every time she came to this place. It was not enough to stop the dread as it drove a nail through her heart when she opened the entrance doors.

See, for every good memory that Catrina had of hospitals, five more negative ones were just as apparent in her mind.

A shame, really.

Tonight, she could add another good and bad memory to the pile. Good, of course, because her daughter’s young and vibrant life had been saved. Bad, surely, because of why it needed saving in the first place.

In a chair tucked away in the corner of the hospital’s waiting room, Catrina sat alone. Not by her gathered family’s choice, but by her own. It was easier to process the events of the night, and to deal with her raging emotions without the others around. She knew they were worried. She could see the concern and questions staring back from the gazes of her in-laws. Yet, she still had no words to say to them.

Not yet, anyway.

She wasn’t ready.

Still, they wouldn’t push. She knew it.

It was one of the many good things about the Marcellos. Having spent so many years together as a tightknit group—growing and loving—they had learned to give each other space when needed.

Not every problem could be solved by talking. Not all wounds could be healed with an apology. Not all negative emotions could be stopped with a hug.

Time.

Space.

Silence.

Those things were sometimes their best friends.

Like now.

Catrina glanced down at the clipboard in her hands. More hospital forms to fill out. She should have finished with them an hour or more ago, yet here she still was, looking at unanswered questions. These were not like the medical and insurance forms she had filled out earlier when they first arrived.

The questions were different—personal and invasive.

She supposed that was why she hesitated on the answers. That, and she wasn’t sure she knew the answers to some of them.

It wasn’t like Catherine was currently able to answer them.

Or maybe … just maybe, Catrina didn’t want to know the answers to some of them. Hindsight was always twenty-twenty. That little fact was never more apparent to her than now. Now, when she did not want to look back at her daughter’s young life, and see the red flags Catrina might have missed. The flashing lights that might have warned her this horrible night was on the horizon.

Catrina knew the signs would be there.

She had missed them. All of them.

She failed.

She failed her child.

She failed.

Catrina let out a slow breath, and looked at the forms once more.