Page 23 of Loyalty

That didn’t mean his brain accepted the conclusion, or that the problem still didn’t feel very real to John.

It was hard to explain that to others. How could he explain something when sometimes, he didn’t even know what he was feeling himself?

Andino knew, though. A byproduct of once trying to help John clean up his room as a teenager after his mother, Jordyn, had a fit about the mess.

His cousin looked over the boxes in the Queens house, but didn’t touch a thing. He did ask.

“Anything you want me to help you with?”

John made a noise in the back of his throat, and scrubbed his hands together. A nervous tic that helped to give him an outlet for his simmering anxieties. “Maybe move some furniture once I know where I want to put it.”

“I could unpack some stuff, and just not put it anywhere, too.”

“No, don’t do that.”

Andino put a hand up. “All right.”

There was something Andino was especially good at that John didn’t mind letting his cousin do without looking over his shoulder the entire time.

“I filled the fridge and cupboards yesterday.”

Andino smirked. “Still can’t cook worth shit, can you?”

“I’m learning.”

John tried not to sound defensive, and failed like a fucker. With a laugh and a clap to John’s shoulder, Andino headed for the open concept kitchen. He still talked as he began pulling dishes from the cupboard, and then moved to another one where the food was.

“Right, right.” Andino sighed loudly. “What is with all this organic shit, John? Haven’t you heard of proper butter or sugar?”

“Every little thing helps to keep me at stable levels—diet, exercise, the money manager … all of it.”

“Ah.”

John opted to change the topic. “How was Atlantic City?”

Andino kept his back turned to John. “Interesting. A nice break, anyway.”

“Kind of surprised the boss let you head out for a couple of weeks when you had business here.”

Andino stayed silent.

John didn’t miss it.

“Something up?” John asked.

Slowly, Andino turned around at the island so that John could see his face. Like with so many other things that were affected by his disorder, eye contact was a big thing. For those he trusted, he preferred to see their face and look in their eyes when they delivered him any kind of news that he might perceive as bad.

It just helped.

John braced for the impact.

“Dante didn’t have a choice but to let me take a break,” Andino said.

“Shit, rub some of that magic on me because that man keeps riding my ass about everything.”

“Don’t you want to know why he didn’t have a choice?”

“There’s a reason?” John asked back, joking.