Page 145 of Loyalty

Siena asked, “Is it okay if I take a day?”

“I guess so,” Matteo said.

“Great, thanks.”

“And do let John know he can come to me anytime, if he needs something.”

“Yeah, I’ll let him know.”

Except she wouldn’t.

Not at all.

Siena hung up the phone, and set the device aside. On the countertop, the screen blanked out. She continued to stare at it long after the phone call was over. Something just wasn’t sitting right with her. Not about her father, and not about John.

She was brought back to the things she had been noticing about John. Things she had overlooked before because the changes had come on slowly, and she felt maybe they were normal for him, considering. She didn’t have experience with bipolar.

Only John.

Siena knew the truth was clearer than she wanted to admit. She was close to John. Very close. Her perception of him was tainted by her feelings. She was willing to turn cheek to certain things because she cared, and she didn’t want to upset him.

She was worried she might not be able to do that anymore. Not if it meant his health—mental or otherwise—well-being, and safety was on the line.

There was no doubt in her mind that John was not aware of the changes he was exhibiting. If he knew, wouldn’t he ask for help? Wouldn’t he do something about it?

She thought so.

Siena didn’t snoop. She wasn’t the type, and she didn’t want to betray anyone’s trust by doing so.

Especially not John.

But at the moment, John had headed out for a jog because apparently he needed to run even though it was February. He was grabbing them breakfast on the way back, or so he said.

What that meant to Siena, however, was that she had a few minutes alone inside John’s place. She could either confirm or deny some of her suspicions about his current state.

It made her sick to think about it.

It hurt her heart to consider it.

Yet, she knew she didn’t have a choice. If John was in the midst of a hypomanic episode, or working towards a full-blown mania, then it would only hurt him to continue to ignore it.

She couldn’t ignore it.

She had to know.

Jordyn’s words had been playing on repeat every day since the dinner.

He seems fine, she had said. He seems productive. He’ll work and work. He’ll deny if you ask because he really doesn’t think anything is wrong. Sometimes he can recognize his problem, and sometimes he can’t. It’s a roll of the dice.

For whatever reason, Jordyn had felt like she needed to tell Siena those things. A part of her was grateful because it gave her a better sense of what was really going on with John, and maybe how to help. A smaller part of her had been stuck in a constant state of worry since that night.

Because …

What would it mean if John was approaching a full blown manic episode? What would it mean if he was already there? How could she help him, then?

Siena didn’t know, so right then, she opted to push those thoughts aside. She would deal with it later.

Walking through the small two-level Queens home that John kept meticulously clean, Siena took things in again with a new eye. No dirt could be seen, and nothing was out of place. The bookcases and shelves showcasing the movies in the living room were organized by what seemed to be his favorites. The black shelves didn’t have even one speck of dust. She was pretty sure she could eat off the floor, not that she would try.