Page 32 of The Baron Takes a Wife

“I had only been away half a day, but I didn’t know what to do. So, after the army left, I joined a caravan of refugees headed to Varna and eventually Üsküdar, what you call Scutari. My family had planned to go there if they were forced out, so I thought…”

She exhaled, wondering how to express this shame. Perhaps if he heard it, he wouldn’t want her anymore. It was worth finding out.

“I thought, if I made it to Üsküdar, my father knew merchants there. But I had no directions or a full name. I had thought I could find something, someone. But there was a price.”

She paused, uncertain of how to go forward. Holding her gaze, David slowly laid his hand across the hand in her lap, stroking it gently.

She distanced herself from herself, as she talked about with Annamaria, but not completely. She just needed a little space so that she could go on.

“I had almost nothing of value after I sold my grandmother’s cross.” Her hand involuntarily went to her neck, but it was bare like it had been the past three years. “I was starving and exhausted, so when some men in the caravan started to touch me at night, I couldn’t say no. I didn’t have the fight left in me. I had no one and nothing to protect me and nothing to offer them to get them to stop, nothing for them to eat, to steal but my body. I didn’t ask for it, but I couldn’t stop it once it started. They were too weak from disease and starvation to…finish the act, but their hands, they used their hands to…” She could not finish. It was too much. It was all too much. “I was afraid they would hurt me or leave me behind to die, so I just lay there, frozen.”

She said the last few words so quietly she wasn’t sure he had heard. She felt her heart pound throughout her body as she remembered that feeling of utter fear and shame but also anger that they would do such a thing to her, well up in her heart. Yet she had kept that anger in check, as the fear overrode everything else, the fear that if they were already committing such an affront to her, what would stop them from killing her? It was a blend of emotions she had never felt before those nights, and she prayed she would never have to feel again. She hoped no one else would ever have to feel that way again, but she knew that was unlikely, given the world they lived in.

David was silent for a long moment. She was waiting for him to remove his hands from hers in disgust, but he tightened his grip.

“They touched you against your will. Their actions were utterly reprehensible. What happened is not your fault.”

“But I didn’t say no to them!” she whispered, staring at her hands.

“But did you say yes?” he asked slowly.

She shook her head as she returned to herself, fighting the urge to cry.

“Elena, what happened to you, what was done to you, was beyond the pale. I promise. I swear to you I will never touch you unless you ask. Unless you want me to. Do you understand?”

She finally looked into his eyes, the green turning into brown on the edges. Honest eyes, she thought. Eyes that had never lied to her, even as she glanced from one to the other, looking for a sign of deceit. She did not trust herself or her judgment, but she looked into his eyes and only saw truth. Maybe even though she could not trust herself, she could, in this moment, trust him.

She nodded as her gaze crept down his face to his straight, solid nose and surprisingly full lips. Suddenly, all the energy and attraction she had felt since he had returned began to well up inside her body, fighting to explode out of her. It was as if finally telling someone the story had unlocked some kind of permission to feel inside herself. How could she feel so safe and yet in danger all at the same time?

“Do you want me to kiss you?” he asked quietly as he regarded her attention to his lips.

“No.” She shook her head. He tried to hide it, but his eyes were crestfallen for a moment.

“I understand. We—”

“No, you misunderstand, Husband. I want to kiss you.”

He pulled back, started to say something, and stopped. He started and stopped again. He really was rather adorable. Tentatively, she reached out and stroked his cheek, carefully running her fingers along the ends of his burn scars. He leaned into her palm, and she shifted her hand to run through his hair, which was soft and smooth against her fingers. She felt his arms go around her with great pause as if giving her time to stop or pull away. Drawing his head down to hers, she turned her face up and pressed her lips against his in a kiss that immediately stole her breath away. He kissed her back softly at first, then melted into her with a fire she had never felt from another human before. She did not know how long they sat there until she felt his tongue lightly graze her lips, then she opened her mouth to receive him and experienced a shot of pleasure that traveled down to her toes and back up to the top of her head then out to the tips of her fingers.

Why had they never kissed before? What had it taken so long? Their hands were all over each other now, hers sliding up his muscled arm until she reached his broad shoulders, his trailing down her back, then around, and then up across her chest. He pulled back and looked her in the eye, and she recognized he was asking permission. Permission to touch her. No one had ever asked her permission before. She sensed something unlocking within her again as she mouthed the word yes. She felt one hand stroke her breast, then tenderly cup it as his eyes still sought hers as if to see if his actions were still welcome. She wished she could remove both of their clothing and feel the full sensations against her bare skin. His fingers traced around her breast, circling closer and closer to her nipple, which he caressed lightly with the pad of his thumbs. She gasped. His lips trailed down to her neck, suddenly finding her pulse. He nestled there, gently exploring the spot with his tongue, which sent tremors of pleasure through her entire being. The combination of sensations was overwhelming, and she could hardly draw breath in her corset, in the tightness of her morning dress. She felt she was near a peak but did not know whether to draw back or leap over it.

“Stay with me, Elena. Let me see you.” She hadn’t even noticed her eyes were closed and her head back until she heard David murmur against her ear. She opened her eyes.

“Do you wish me to stop?” he asked. His breathing was as heavy as hers, but she knew that if they kept going, he wanted it to be her decision.

She straightened up. “For now. I-I need to think. Perhaps some time to recover.” She needed to breathe.

He found her gaze, his eyes warm but understanding. “Of course.”

As she met his gaze, she felt like she wasn’t entirely there, though not like before when she had stepped outside her body to remove herself from a horrible situation. In this, she enjoyed the closeness, the trust that was building there, but there were too many sensations at once. She needed to step back and regain her balance. She needed to make sure she felt safe in what was next.

As she disentangled herself and began to walk away, she was overwhelmed by a sudden and intense wave of desire, and she turned and grabbed his arm. Pulling her against him again, as if giving her time to stop him, he slowly possessed her mouth. Then, she was being lifted onto the piano, and she wrapped her legs around his torso. This wouldn't be possible if she had been wearing a more formal gown but thank goodness her morning dress was lighter than a heavy ballgown.

It had never been like this before, the need to be as close to another person as possible, the need to possess and be possessed. Was this how it should be? Ought to be?

Remembering her resolve, she drew back. She was too much in her thoughts to be fully present. David rested his head against hers, panting, just as she was.

“I know, you need time to think.”