Page 86 of Atone, Adonis

And then when she spoke, the words were unbidden. “I love you, Fred.”

He gave a soft, startled laugh and then leaned back against his heels so he could look up at her. Ten years, she thought. How could they have let ten years pass them by?

But she’d resolved to let regret go. All she could do—all she wanted to do—was live out the future from where they stood. Right now, here, today. They must move forward. As imperfectly perfect as they were.

She felt relief to have him here with her. Joy, at seeing him smile. And there was love. So much of it.

“Stand up, Fred,” was what she finally said into the silence.

“Not yet. I have—I’ve been thinking too.” He cleared his throat and she saw another hint of color sweep across his cheekbones. “Will you marry me, Jules? Not Chester but me, because you wish to spend your life with me? I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anything and I want to spend my life with you.”

“Stand up, Fred,” she said again.

He pushed himself up to his feet and stood before her. She could see in his face how uncomfortable this was for him, to be here and seen. Vulnerable and raw, waiting on her answer.

She reached out her hands and grasped his. “I need you to understand something,” she said as his blue eyes fastened onto hers. “I can see how much you wanted and grieved and feared. And I…I can understand why you made those promises to protect yourself. And why you never told me about them.”

She drew in a breath before she closed the small space between them. And then, when she stood close enough to his beautiful face to trace every line of it with her finger if she wanted to, she said, “They say that bravery is being afraid and doing a thing anyway. But I think that is probably what love is too. It is pushing past the risk of being seen. It’s knowing your own flaws and another person’s, and loving anyway. Despite deviations from perfect behavior. What I’m trying to say, Fred, is that I don’t want perfection. Not from you nor from myself. I don’t want an Adonis. I definitely do not want Chester, although I will tolerate him when I need to. I just want you. Exactly as you are.”

His fingers tightened around her hand. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” she murmured. “I do love you, Fred. I do.”

“I love you, too. And I believe we can make this right, what is between us, if we begin again on a better foundation. I believe we can make it beautiful, dearheart.”

He fished around in his coat pocket and pulled out a velvet jeweler’s box, large enough to hold any number of expensive necklaces or bracelets. But when he flipped it open, there was only a stack of little paper packets inside.

“What are these?”

“Seeds. I’ve been collecting them since London. I thought they suited you better than jewelry, although I can get you jewels too. You can have anything you’d like. Live anywhere you want. Spend your time in any way you please.”

She placed the box on the little table and then threw her arms around him, pulling him near. “They’re perfect. I cannot wait to be covered in dirt. And to get you dirty too.”

“You say that like a threat but I believe it to be a promise.”

“I meant in the garden.”

He laughed. “I know what you meant. Julianna Sedgewick, Countess of Chester, would you do me the great honor of marrying me again?”

“I already said yes.”

“Say it again.”

“Yes, Fred. Yes.”

Chapter

28

“Come here, Jules,” Fred said, quietly, and leaned down toward her. He couldn’t quite believe this. Couldn’t quite understand that she had agreed to be his wife. And how much more it meant this time that she’d said yes because she wanted to. Because she had agreed to marry him.

Their lips and tongues met, licking and sliding into each other. The sounds of their kiss a soft susurration of skin against skin. He pulled her even closer until their bodies were flush, the heat between them rising quickly.

And then he picked her up, his wife, and carried her to bed. He laid her down and then took a step back, staring at her.

“What?” she asked, cheeks flushed.

“I’m just looking at you, Jules. I like looking at you.”