Page 40 of Atone, Adonis

“Thank you,” he said at last.

Her brows drew together. “For what?”

He glanced back toward the hedgerow they had left behind. “For that. For letting me…be more than what they say. Even for just a moment. It was important to me.”

“I would assume it was important to the thrush too.” She smiled at him, her dark eyes warm and steady on his face. “Just as it was to me.”

He had more to say to that. More to…feel. He could simply reach for her. Hold her close. For the first time he thought perhaps she might not push him away. She might…not welcome his embrace exactly but—

—but the front door opened suddenly and Thomas stood there, one frail hand braced against the frame. The look he levelled at Fred was made of pure hostility.

Fred dropped Julianna’s arm but it was too late.

“Thomas,” she said, “what are you doing out of bed?”

“Looking for you, sister. I was afraid something terrible had happened to you.”

Fred didn’t miss the look in Thomas’s eyes that said something terrible had happened to Julianna. And that he was the terrible thing.

And neither did Julianna. Her gaze flicked between them both and she stepped half a pace closer to him. Although he didn’t think she meant to do it, it still gave him an immense amount of satisfaction that she had.

“Come inside, Julie-bug.” It was more a command than an invitation and Fred squelched the entirely inappropriate urge to plant Thomas a facer for that tone.

“Farrow,” he said instead, “close the door. You’re letting out what little comfort this Manor still holds. And we all know there was never much to spare.”

Thomas’s lips curved into something that was not quite a smile.

“Well, Chester. We all know who to blame for that, don’t we?”

Chapter

14

The parlor fire snapped and hissed, releasing the warmth that Julianna and Thomas had not been able to find at Farrow Cottage. She stood near the hearth, hands held toward the heat, knowing she should be grateful for it. She was grateful for it. But gratitude didn’t help the war playing out in her heart and her head.

Thomas had pushed her into this marriage. Had claimed it was his dying wish and told her himself that perhaps they’d misjudged Fred all these years. So why in heavens, now that she was beginning to think he’d been right and Frederick Sedgewick was not the man she’d always believed him to be, was it Thomas who was acting the arse?

Because he’s dying. And while fighting that he’s fighting everything else too. Even me.

Thomas was the one who woke each morning knowing the clock on his life was ticking down, and there was nothing anyone—not she, not the doctor, nor the nurse, nor even Fred with all his resources—could do to stop it. The thought was too terrible to countenance.

Her brother had always been steady, so Julianna couldn’t begrudge him a little wavering now. All she could do was brace herself enough for them both. Even if that meant swallowing feelings she could no longer deny that she was developing for Fred. That she enjoyed his company. That he increasingly meant something to her, even if she wasn’t ready yet to specify what. And even if she knew that whatever he meant, whatever her feelings, it was best they go unacknowledged for now, given their history.

And yet, for the first time in as long as she could remember she was thinking past the present moment. She’d never allowed herself to consider what her life would be like after Thomas passed. When she remained here, alone. But she could now—she could conceive of that future because Fred would be here too.

The thought felt like a betrayal even as it soothed something inside her.

“Are you all right?”

She looked up to find the man himself standing before her. Fred’s face—that unspeakably handsome face—was creased in consternation as he peered at her from the doorway. She felt herself flush, as if he could know the direction of her thoughts.

And then he was stalking toward her, but he did not join her at the hearth. At the last moment he swerved and occupied the arm of the sofa instead, his long legs sprawled out before him.

He had magnificent legs. Truly. Thighs as large and strong as granite boulders. She flushed again as she examined them.

No more, she had to remind herself. Although there was a tiny voice inside her that said: Surely there’s nothing wrong with noticing? Noticing is just human nature. And he is your husband.

“Jules? Are you alright?” Fred asked again and she realized she hadn’t answered him.