Page 80 of Again, Scoundrel

Alistair had drunk himself into a stupor when she refused his marriage proposal. What would happen when she told him she had to go back to America? When she shared with him her dream of a hospital that she would need to fundraise for among people who knew her and trusted her?

Her palms began to sweat. She would not make the same mistake twice. She would not put him at risk.

The thought made her heart shatter like dropped glass inside her chest, shards cutting everywhere. She closed her eyes against the pain of it, but she wouldn’t change her mind. She wanted him and she could not have him. There was nothing to do but accept it.

“Alistair,” she said, just as gently, just as carefully as he’d said her name. “I cannot marry you. I cannot marry anyone.”

Violet watched the openness in his eyes shutter closed. She could feel his withdrawal from the five paces away where she stood, leaving only coldness now where his warmth had just been.

“My lord,” Williams called, knocking discreetly on the door. “Mr. Hughes has returned with news of Jess.”

“It appears it’s time to go, Violet,” was all he said.

And when she replied, “bloody hell,” he gave her an entirely false smile.

“I’m glad to see your vocabulary of epithets has quite improved. You’ll be saying arsehead in no time at all.”

Mr. Hughes stood in the foyer, flanked by McGann and Davy.

“We’ve found her,” he said as soon as Alistair appeared, Violet right on his heels. “It wasn’t difficult.”

“I’d say.” Alistair glanced at his pocket watch. “It’s only been a few hours.”

“She went back to St. Giles. Had a boyfriend, apparently. An older neighborhood boy who’d been happy enough to get her with child but not to marry her after the deed was done.

“Where is she now?” Alistair asked.

“She’s with Esmee.”

“That’s Mrs. Callendar to you, bounder,” McGann said, but Hughes ignored him.

“There was quite the row when the boy refused to see her. She was very upset. Had some hare-brained idea that he’d take her back and they’d marry since she lost the babe.”

“Christ,” Alistair muttered. “There was no reason to go back. She had everything she needed right here!”

“Don’t be too hard on the lass,” McGann said. “She’s young and foolish. Esmee will look after her.”

“Although,” he paused and cracked his knuckles, “I wouldn’t mind the opportunity for a fight, myself.” He glared at Hughes. “Often does me good to hit things. Should we go teach that boy a lesson, Crawford?”

“I’m going to pretend I did not hear that,” Hughes said.

“So am I,” Violet replied. “I’ll go see to Jess now, if you’ll all excuse me.”

Chapter

31

“Wake up, cousin,” Catherine whispered. “Or we’ll be late.”

Violet sat upright. It was already dark out.

“Oh no,” she groaned. “I’m sorry, Catherine. Why didn’t you wake me earlier? You can’t be late to your own betrothal ball! The mothers will go into apoplexy.”

Catherine shrugged. “You needed to rest.”

Violet had taken the train to Pembrooke’s house party in Surrey after they’d found Jess and she’d been assured the girl was healing. In body if not yet in heart. She understood that hearts moved at their own pace, and it was hers that drove her to leave Jess in Esmee’s capable care. She wanted to be as far away from Alistair Crawford as she could be.

“And besides,” Catherine was saying, “there will be plenty of time for the announcement. They cannot exactly make it without me, can they?” She smiled her most winning smile. “And don’t you worry, cousin. We’ve still plenty of time for waltzes and ratafia.”