Page 177 of Lost Trust

Not lost like I don’t know where I am. I know exactly where I am.

It’s more like the life I’ve been living and the life I thought I was headed toward have slowly started diverging. Like two roads splitting in opposite directions while I’m standing right in the middle, trying to figure out which one is actually mine.

I’ve felt ungrounded.

And I’m tired of pretending I haven’t.

Axle drops into the chair across from me, glancing between Bryce and me. “So, what’s this about?”

I lean back against the edge of Bryce’s desk, folding my arms. “I’ve been thinking.”

Axle snorts. “Well, shit, this ain’t starting out good.”

Bryce laughs from behind his desk.

I shake my head. “Just hear me out.”

Axle settles.

“I love bull riding,” I tell him. “You know that. I love every damn thing about it. Everything about rodeo really. I love broncs. Roping. Steer wrestling. All of it.” I look down at my hands for a second. “I love watching somebody ride and being able to see exactly what they’re doing wrong. Where their weight is. What their hips are doing. Why they got hung up. Why they got bucked off. I love breaking down the mechanics of it.”

Axle nods slowly.

“And I love working with these kids.” I glance toward Bryce. “The up-and-coming ones. Watching them figure something out for the first time. Seeing a kid go from barely staying on to making a ride he never thought he could make.” A smile pulls at my mouth. “That part? I could do forever.”

Axle studies me. “I get it.”

I push away from the desk and pace a couple of steps before turning back toward them.

“But the rest of it …” I shake my head. “The spotlight. The Buck’n Diesel Energy of the whole thing. The cameras. Everybody watching. Everybody wanting a piece of you.” I exhale. “It’s never felt right.”

Axle’s eyebrows draw together.

“I don’t need the spotlight,” I say. “Never have. Never will.”

I look at my brother. “But I sure as hell love it for you.”

Something shifts in Axle’s expression.

“I love seeing you out there,” I continue. “I love watching you ride. I love watching people lose their minds over you. That’s your thing, Ax.” I shrug. “I’m proud as hell of you.”

He looks down, rubbing a hand over his jaw.

“But me?” I say. “I think I’m meant to be right here.”

I glance around Bryce’s office, then through the window, toward the academy. “Home.”

The word settles between us.

I look at Bryce. “And you need people.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Not just part-time summer instructors,” I say. “Not if you’re serious about this. Not if you’re really gonna turn this place into what you’ve been talking about.”

Bryce leans back in his chair.

I look at Axle, then back at him.